The Boston Shumway Site

london with four kids.

2012-01-28T19:06:00.001-05:00

We’re moving out of our little flat at 49 Chiltern St. tomorrow. We’ve spent 3 weeks here and we have very mixed emotions about leaving. We’ve had some tough times here, but we’ve also had some amazing times, pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming kind of times and it’s a little sad to see this chapter of our adventure come to a close.

I can not believe all we’ve done in the past few weeks. All we’ve seen and felt and learned – it’s hard to even take it all in. I had visions before I came here of being super organized about blogging everything we did, but then my dream jumped into life and things are much more scrambled and out of control then they were in my nicely shelved dream, but that’s ok, because they’re real. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that once dreams move out of your head and into reality you see a lot of sides to them that you didn’t expect, and sometimes you have to remind yourself that you’re living your dream, and once you do you’re back to pinching yourself with joy that you’re dream came to life.

So, instead of a some nice organized blog entries about our adventures here so far, here’s a smorgasbord of pictures and words, things we want to remember before we slip into our next life. (Excuse that they are all iPhone pictures….I forgot my camera battery charger in my kitchen at home which may be a blessing in disguise as I can’t imagine adding that big camera to my load these past few weeks!)

I’ve always wanted to live in a city with my kids. I’m not sure exactly where this desire came from, but I think it stems back to my days in NYC as a graduate student. I fell in love with the thrill of that city. I loved how every day I’d walk out the door to an adventure. There was always something to do, see, smell, learn, feel, take in. I guess I want my kids to feel comfortable and free in cities, I want them to feel the thrill of being surrounded by so many interesting people and sights and cultures. So, here we are, and boy is it harder than I imagined (I sense a new theme for this blog?) but in three weeks we’ve kind of learned how to manage, we’ve learned the new city rules (though they are not perfectly obeyed), our kids are a little more aware of who they’re blocking or annoying and we can kind of get out of the door without feeling too panicked. We’re not totally there, but when I think of all we’ve learned it feels like we’ve come a long way.

So, here’s what we’ve loved about living right in the heart of the city:

funnily enough, I’ve loved our small little apartment. When I first walked in after that horrendous day of travel without Jeff I was disappointed by how small the place was (amazing how tricky wide angle cameras are). But, it has worked out so well. I love having a little kitchen where everything is within reach (I' haven’t really been cooking like I do at home, so I might feel differently after a while), I’ve loved having everyone on the same floor (stairs can really be a drag with a baby and a three year old who needs you to still take her to the potty every half hour), I’ve loved having our little washer/dryer combo in the kitchen so that I can stay on top of laundry (I forget about it down in the basement). I love how we put Emmeline to bed in our bed and then have to move her out to the couch when she goes to sleep, it forces me to see her sleeping, which is always a good way to erase the frustrations of the day. I love opening up the blinds in the morning and seeing the brick building across the way and hearing all the city sounds around us. The kids love the tiny mirrored elevator (and play in it FAR too much). I love our little round table that we sit around for meals. I LOVE that a cleaning lady comes in three times a week. I love that we’re all so close together. I love that we haven’t been able to figure out how to make the DVD player play our DVDs. The kids have been playing together non stop with nothing but some Legos and a few toys they brought with them.
I’ve loved not having very much stuff. We didn’t bring much stuff to England, and we brought even less to London for our short stay in the city (the rest is out with Amy). There is something so simple and glorious about not having stuff. It makes me wonder what in the world we’ll need from those other bags stored in Amy’s garage. It’s nice that at least one part of our life feels simple.
I’ve loved the double decker busses. I’ve gotten to know the routes pretty well and we’ve been taking them everywhere. It’s so much easier to get the kids on and off (especially the stroller) and we’re never in that big of a hurry so we can sit and watch London go by, or tell stories or read books as we make our way to our destinations.
I’ve loved the museums here. Most of them are free so you don’t feel like you have to see everything all at once, you can just spend an hour or two and then say you’ll see the rest another day. And they all have amazing children guides or activities or trails or hunts that totally keep the kids engaged.
I have LOVED doing “mommy school” here. We’re not sure what the schooling situation is going to be like once we move into our house, but for the past few weeks we’ve been doing “mommy school” which mainly consists of learning about London, visiting museums, playing in parks, learning how to count British money, dividing sweets, writing in journals and reading a lot. It’s not all sunshine and flowers, we’ve had some serious melt downs and even mommy school strikes, but overall we’ve all really enjoyed it. I feel like I’m spending a lot of my time and energy doing the thing I love most about mothering: teaching my children. And, I’m learning so much in the process. I feel this hunger growing inside of me to review all that I ever knew about history and cultures and art and people. I love it.
The weather here has been so incredibly mild. I think we’re probably the only ones who have moved to London for the weather and the housing, but we’ve found both to work out better than Boston so far.
I love that I feel so engaged as a mother here. Something about changing life has somehow helped me feel really connected with my kids in a way that I haven’t for a while. Maybe it’s that we are all so needy, we are clinging to each other. And that feels good.
I love walking out the door and being surrounded by London. It is really an amazing city. The big red busses, the striking black cabs, the amazingly old and beautifully detailed buildings surrounding you everywhere. I’m falling in love.
When they aren’t falling apart, I love having these three ‘big kids’ following me about. They are awesome when they aren’t awesome.
I love the way people talk and interact. How parents call their children ‘darlings’ and how almost everyone sounds polite and educated (I’m sure once I get the accents down that will change, but for now, people seem so much more refined!)
I love that my brain is challenged every single day. I feel like I’m using parts of it that have never been used before, I can almost feel the new synapses firing, and that feels good. My brain has felt a little sleepy for a while and now it’s very awake.
My becco baby carrier. Peter spends a lot of time on my back so that little Em can take a rest in the stroller and I love having him back there. He keeps me all warm, and makes such sweet noises (except when he’s crying). I love it.
the parks here. I love the parks here. They’re like parks when I was little. They’re dangerous. They have mary-go-rounds. They have zip lines. They have tall tall swings. They have climbing structures that are actually challenging for the kids. My kids faces burst into delight the minute they’re set free at a playground here. I think the combination of awesomely fun stuff to do and being free from traffic and crowds just sets their little souls aglow.
You can order groceries in your PJs and before you know it a nice bloke is delivering them to your door.
The food. England gets a bad rap for bad food, but I’ve found the food here amazing. The produce is fresh and tasty (the carrots taste like real carrots), the sweets and cookies are delicious (we’ve eaten way too much) and the pre-made sandwiches that you can get everywhere are not bad at all. Maybe the novelty will wear off, but I think I’m going to really miss the food once we’re gone.
Being close to a best friend who will and has dropped everything when I need anything. I’m not sure how I’d hold up without her.

And, to keep it real, here’s what I haven’t loved so much:

having to yell at my kids all the time because I’m so nervous that they aren’t going to be aware and accidently step off the curb and get hit by a bus (those busses come fast, so close to the sidewalk). We’re all getting better at this, but it still pretty much freaks me out all the time.
carrying the stroller up and down so many stairs. A lot of the time people stop to help, but a lot of the time they don’t.
Navigating all the new systems from housing, to banking to transportation, to cell phones, to groceries. Everything feels different here except for the language. I guess that’s why my brain is coming alive so ultimately it’s a good thing, but boy has it taken a lot of time and energy.
dealing with kids who are strung out, jetlagged, over walked, undone, frustrated, overstimulated and hungry all while I’m dead tired myself.
getting on and off of escalators and trains during rush hour. Why are people always in such a hurry?
trying to plug in stuff and keep stuff charged has been a challenge. I’m sure we’ll get that worked out.
Housing is so darn expensive for so little, but I think we’ve got that worked out.
Every time I walk out the door suddenly money is just gone. Everything is so darn expensive. Good thing it all feels like monopoly money right now since it’s a different currency and our budget is all disheveled, but I’m sure I’m in for a big surprise when we sit down to sort it all out.

All in all, life is good. I’d bring this dream into reality even after knowing all it’s ugly sides. It just feels right and real.

Good bye to our little home by Baker Street station. On to the next adventure: learning to drive on the left side of the road. That will certainly be as dangerous as the London traffic.

and, we’re back! london shumways: two weeks in

2012-01-24T17:29:00.001-05:00

We are here! All six of us, in the heart of London.

How do I even start blogging about this experience! So much has happened already that I’ve been paralyzed (and frankly way too busy)trying to figure out how to capture it all.

I’m still not sure how it all happened, but, by the grace of God, somehow we’re here, we’re safe (mostly), we’re happy (mostly) and we’re ready (mostly) for our big family adventure ahead of us now that we have a little of it under our belts.

We’ve been on a ridiculously crazy ride the past two weeks. Jeff’s visa didn’t end up showing up on time, so the kids and I started off this adventure alone. Through the help of some angels placed in our path along the way we made it. The kids were mostly awesome on the plane which was lucky since they didn’t end up having little TV's on the seat and I wasn’t prepared to keep them busy for the whole ride. But, with the help of the one movie I had on our Kindle and lots of excitement we made it without too many mean looks. When we landed at Heathrow I asked the kids to look around and make sure that we weren’t forgetting things. Emmeline looked around and in a panic blurted out, “MOM! We left dad!” Way to be observant Emmeline!

The trip through immigration and customs with 4 kids, two strollers, 4 car seats tons of luggage and one adult was not something I’d like to repeat ever. Poor Hazel and Charlie were both pushing heavy trollies so full of stuff that they couldn’t even see. And, even worse (maybe because it wasn’t anticipated) was once we actually got to our tiny little short term flat in London. The kids were wired and loud, Emmeline kept hollering that we’d left dad and her toys at home, it was midnight, we didn’t have any food, peter wasn’t happy. Getting the luggage up all the stairs, finding everything in that mess of stuff and getting everyone snug in their beds without killing them was one of my biggest mothering challenges thus far. But, we all survived it and woke up to Daddy knocking on our door. What a sight for sore eyes!

We hit the ground running (after sleeping till noon). Jeff headed off, straight to a meeting and the kids and I went in search of a Double Decker bus. We rode up top around the city, in awe of where we were, pinching ourselves to make sure it wasn’t a dream. We ‘alighted’ at Trafalgar Square and the kids ran for the big lion statues. They climbed and I marveled. Here I was in the middle of a city I love with my kids. They were seeing the world. I was in the middle of the life I imagined! It was one of those moments where you know you are where you are supposed to be.

And, to spare you all the details, here’s a sum up of the first week:

We spent the first few days battling jet lag (which wasn’t bad at all, with the help of melatonin drops) and getting our bearings straight.

We did a lot of sightseeing while Jeff did his big kick off for his case.

We saw Buckingham palace, walked along the Themes, went to the Tower of London, the national gallery, the natural history museum, shopped at Oxford circus, got Turkish delight from Harrods.

We played in Regents park and every other playground we could find.

We rode lots of double deckers, tubes, trains, taxi’s.

We got ready for and celebrated Jeff’s birthday (his big birthday).

We avoided getting hit by double decker buses.

We learned new city and tube and bus and sidewalk and crossing rules.

I almost died looking the wrong way crossing the street while running. Seriously, it made me cry, it was that scary. We’re training ourselves to look right.

I detected several new grey hairs every time we got home and rode the mirrored elevator up to our flat.

We went out to check out the big flat we were going to rent in Chelmsford.

We ate fish and chips, and hobnobs and ribina and Mr. Kipling's pies and wine gums.

We met new friends.

We spent time with dear Ames (my bff since we were 3 who lives here) and her dear children.

We thought a lot about if we should live right in London or out by Ames in a the big flat that we found.

We decided on the flat.

The flat got taken right out from under us by some college girls who were willing to sign a two year contract.

We stressed out big time. I got put through the ringer, trying to figure out inspiration and what to do with feelings of regret.

We suspended all sightseeing and searched and searched and searched for a different place to live that would be right for Jeff’s commute and for me and the kids.

I agonized and got sick and agonized some more about the decision, driving everyone around me batty.

We found another place to live in a charming village called Woodford Green (still in the borough of London, but drivable to Amy in Chelmsford). I mourned the loss of the first dreamy, huge flat that would have been perfect.

I worked on moving on, forward, making this new scenario right.

And that’s where we are now.

The upshot of all of this is that we have a whole week longer to live right here in Marylebone, the center of London. And, that is awesome, we love it here but its not sustainable with our budget or our nerves.

So, overall, we’ve been through a lot of ringers, but you know what? Despite it all, I’m so happy we are here. I’ve never once wished that we’d stayed put in our life in Malden. We are growing and stretching through all this struggle in ways that I know we need.

This is pushing all of us. Making us think and experience and feel. I feel fully alive.

And there is so much adventure and challenge ahead of us. And that feels good. We’re gaining confidence in ourselves, we’re sticking together more than ever. I’m getting stronger, I can feel it. Jeff is working an a really important case.

And, we’re in LONDON! It really is a dream come true.

So, now that we’ve got a place to stay, and we’re moving in next week, I promise to keep up the blog, so stay tuned.

For now, here are the pictures. Don’t the pictures make this all look perfect? I love pictures. They are what we will remember, and that’s pretty comforting after all the craziness we’ve lived through.

normal day december

2011-12-22T11:37:00.001-05:00

I’m finding myself seeing things much more nostalgically since we’re leaving to London. We have such beautiful common days around here. They don’t always look beautiful in the moment, but I’ve been trying to take out my iPhone and snap quick pictures so that I don’t forget things. And then, when I download them and look at them it hits me how perfect our life is. Yes it’s crazy and over packed and we’re not always happy, and there is yelling and frustration and silliness and lots and lots of messes, but all of that is part of what makes it perfect. We’re really going to miss this life.

Here are some of our December normal day happenings. For the most part the pictures will tell the stories. I love how Peter looks at me from his car seat while I’m driving. Just checks and smiles, makes sure I’m still there.

Sweet Joyce (our dear neighbor) has been a life saver this season. She comes and “mentors” Emmeline while Peter is napping and I get all my errands done. It’s fabulous. Emmeline is having a great time in nursery. I am too. I’m going to miss this calling. It is HARD, but I’ve grown to really love these kids. Especially how they get all quiet when I tell stories about Jesus. I’ll have to post more about this calling sometime. I’ve learned a lot and had a lot of fun and totally tired myself out with it.I tried to touch up our room for whoever is living here while we’re away. I guess that wasn’t the right paint can. Oops. I guess we’re repainting the room sometime in all this craziness. Peter is getting bigger and Emmeline is an amazing big sister to him. Hazel and Charlie continue to come up with all kinds of things to do together. I love love love it when they get into the zone and play for hours without asking me for a thing. It totally makes those first 3 years of babies close together worth it. There has been a lot of little services around here. The kids are busy filling up the manger bed with straw for baby Jesus. More on this later. Hazel got her first Christmas wish. “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth OUT!” They both came out (after dangling all grey and gross like that for two long). Hallelujah! I need to take a picture of her gappy grin. I love it.Emmeline takes an awesome quiet time most afternoons. I love how she sets up and plays with her toys. It makes me sad that I always am scrambling to get stuff done while she’s playing. I’d be so happy to secretly watch her. I need to do that soon. She’s growing up each time I blink. Peter is army crawling everywhere (my only army crawler yet!). He’s the worlds greatest detective….there’s not one small piece of plastic or paper that he doesn’t find. Charlie is really into drawing lately. Oh how I love seeing how things make it into his brain and then back out onto a paper. Peter will not drink water or juice from anything but my cup. I keep trying to give him a sippy or a bottle, but no luck. He’s always more interested in playing which is a problem in the BM department. We had a gloriously warm day and went to this awesome park. The only problem was that Peter’s pants got all wet. Thankfully in the car I had a bag of hand-me-downs with this bunny suit in it. Everyone asked what her name was, but at least ‘she’ was warm!We went to a youth production of the nutcracker (iPhone out of battery so no picture) which really got the kids into it. Since then, all three big kids have spent hours and hours dancing to the nutcracker and acting it out. I love it, much better to fill the house with that music than Michael Jackson this time of year. Emmeline makes me call her Clara most days as she prances around the house in her princess dresses. I made some awesome stir fry with Tofu. Yes, tofu. My friend taught me how to make “golden tofu” which was a hit with everyone (but mostly me). Maybe I’ll get around to posting the recipe one of these days!

Emmeline has been accompanying me on my errands with her baby girl doll “Henry.” She insists that she is my “mother friend” when we’re out together. I have my baby, Peter and she has hers. “You know,” she says, “like your friend Heidi.” I am your mother friend! This mother friend idea makes her act much more mature than is usual for her so I’m going with it.

Here’s Em all dressed up for church on Sunday in an outfit that belonged to her aunt Chi Chi. She’s still pretty obsessed with the idea that all these adults around her were once little like she is. She loved knowing that she was dressed just like little 3 year old Charity. Here’s the only picture we got of our outing to Trinity Church’s Candlelight Carols. We had to do it in shifts this year, I went with some good friends to the earlier performance and then stayed and saved seats for Jeff and the kids for the later performance (which was the free one). It was so awesome that I was hoping to stay and watch it a second time, but resigned to leave as soon as Peter or Emmeline lost it. Well, they lost it before it really started so I whisked them away and Charlie, Jeff and Hazel stayed to bask in the softly lit church and powerfully congregation carols. Charlie slept for a lot of it, but Hazel, true to form, totally enjoyed every ounce of it. She lives for things like that. I love it. Emmeline had her preschool Holiday Pageant. It’s a CRAZY event and even crazier now that they’ve expanded the school but she loved it. She even got to see Santa afterwards and he gave her some awesome clip on ear rings. Lucky girl. And these are my two favorite pictures of the season. The soft glow of the Christmas tree, Jeff surrounded by kids while I scramble to get dinner on the table (and snap a picture). The quiet, not trying to get anything done moments are really where the magic happens.

what will santa do?

2011-12-22T10:57:00.001-05:00

Charlie has really backed Santa into a corner this year. We’re all waiting with baited breath to find out if he gets his hearts desire. A diamond? Really? He insists that he just wants one to put in his treasure box. But finally the other night he fessed up to his real plan. If Santa brings him a diamond (he’s not sure that’s really Santa’s style) he is planning on bringing it into the Lego store to trade it in for the Power Miners Crystal Sweeper that he’s been longing for all year long. I told him I didn’t think they’d go for that at the Lego store. They are more interested in credit cards or cash. If Santa doesn’t bring him a diamond he’s hoping for a magical bell from his reindeer. He wants to test it out and see if it only rings for those who truly believe.

Hmmm. What will Santa do? If he does bring a ‘diamond’, I’m afraid Charlie will think he has a precious position that would bail him out if he ever desperately needs money. Maybe if Santa does come up with a diamond he’ll have to leave a note explaining that it’s mined from a special place in the north pole and of the CZ variety so it only has magical value (which it looses if it’s traded in for anything). And the bell? Maybe everyone deep down inside believes in Santa and can hear the bell even if they say the don’t believe.

Either way, it should be an interesting Christmas morning! Thankfully for Santa, Hazel’s request was much less complicated.

And Emmeline just wants a highchair for her baby (which it turns out the elves are out of….so Santa is really scrambling!)

And Peter? I’m hoping Santa will just bring him some diapers or wipes or something else that will not add to our London load.

If you have any advice for Santa, post a comment, I’ll make sure to pass it onto him. My dad actually is a friend of his and has his email address!

Can’t wait for Christmas morning!!!

stopping to watch the woods fill up with snow

2011-12-21T15:43:00.001-05:00

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

By Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.

His house is in the village though;

He will not see me stopping here

To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer

To stop without a farmhouse near

Between the woods and frozen lake

The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake

To ask if there is some mistake.

The only other sound’s the sweep

Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

I always think of this poem around this time of year. I love it. Reading it helps me feel the peace that really is the center of this season, but somehow gets so easily pushed to the edges. I’ve never really isolated why it helps me feel calm. I’ve assumed it’s the validation and empathy I feel reading that last line, “miles to go before I sleep” and then reading it again. But this morning while I was running in the crisp air and marveling at the beauty of the still grey sunrise and taking in the details of the trees silhouetted against the solstice sky the real meaning of this poem (to me at least) hit me.

There are miles to go before he sleeps, but he is stopping. Stopping in the woods and watching them fill with snow. He is quiet enough for a minute to listen to the wind and downy flake.

And in that stopped quiet moment he is reminded of the promises he has to keep. ‘Promises.’ Isn’t that a nice way to think of all the things we are running around doing? In my mind, he stopped, drank in the beauty of a moment and then moved forward laced with peace as he traveled all those miles before he could sleep.

This is what I’m trying to focus on this season. The moments (the good ones). Emmeline reading the Grinch to Peter on the couch. Charlie doing a secret service. Hazel leaving notes on my pillow. The glow of the lights as I read to the kids all snuggled into my ribs. Laying in bed at night with Jeff talking about how great we think our kids are.

I’m trying to stop and watch my woods fill up with snow. When I do I can see all the love and meaning behind all those miles and promises stretched long before I can sleep.

What is making you stop this season? Can you hear the easy wind and downy flake?

bigger.

2011-12-19T23:03:00.001-05:00

Look at how he fills that scene now! Stop growing up little boy!

I wish I could describe how much I love this little guy. I want to bottle up every single piece of who he is because it kills me that his babyhood is slipping away. He is full of smiles and curiosity and joy. He has new little tricks every day that he’ll do on demand. He giggles and coos and cuddles into me.

Does he have any idea how much we all adore him? I kiss his little cheeks off and he just looks around nonchalantly as if there’s not a crazy woman trying to eat off his face. I just hope all my love is sinking into his soul because it’s pretty powerful stuff.

I had high hopes of taking this same picture every month to watch him grow but suddenly nearly 6 months have passed me by.

For a while my big obstacle in taking the picture was that my plant was dying and I didn’t want a dead plant in the picture. My friend pointed out that the dead plant makes the picture. It proves I’ve been busy nurturing other little lives.

london shumways

2011-12-18T23:28:00.001-05:00

Way back when Jeff and I had just gotten married we dreamed up big plans to build a totally unconventional life. We were going to raise a bunch of kids and travel the world while we did it. We spent the first 6 months of our marriage living in the Philippines, doing volunteer work. While we were there we met some really awesome families who had raised their kids all over the world. They had such an open perspective, such close kids and so many adventures under their belts. We decided we wanted to copy them.

And then, right out of graduate school Jeff got a pretty amazing job. One that has enabled him to do a lot of good and make a decent living at the same time. One that has allowed us to live in one of the coolest cities on earth. But, there hasn’t been much traveling connected to it.

Sometimes it seems like our biggest adventures over the past seven years (since Hazel was born) have been less than idyllic: potty training horrors, trips to Chuck E. Cheese and tantrums in Costco. But in actuality, the past 7 years have been quite adventurous….just not exactly the adventures we had dreamed up. We’ve built a family for crying out loud! I’ve given birth 4 times (nothing in my mind will ever trump those birth adventures). We’ve adjusted to stages and more kids and more stages and more kids. Our life has stretched us as we’ve navigated all the adventures of parenting. My “mom passport” is packed with stamps, in fact, it needs more pages.

But now everything is changing. This chapter of our lives seems to be closing up and the stars are aligning to shoot us right into the kind of unconventional life we had imagined (at least for a solid six months!)

We just found out last week that Jeff is going to take a case that is based in London and we get to all go with him. We leave in a few weeks and will be gone for 6 months.

It’s so dreamy that I have to pinch myself a few times a day to make sure this is all really happening. And then, after the pinch, when I realize that it’s really real I get a little freaked out and have to remind myself that this is my dream. This is the life I’ve imagined.

Thoreau said, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”

I wrote this quote up big and posted it in my house the other day because, as we sort through all the logistics of moving our family to another country I have to remind myself moment to moment to go forward confidently. Dreams start to feel a little scary when they jump out of your head and into your life where suddenly they are alive and three dimensional and you see every facet of them.

You see, as newlyweds when Jeff and I dreamed up this unconventional life we had no idea about the inescapable realities of four small children. Those families in the Philippines made it all look so breezy! Sure, we’ll be in a new place with more things to see than we can possibly ever digest. We’ll certainly have adventures right and left. But, it’s not all going to be smiles and sunshine. There are going to be a lot of cross days with cheeky children. And it’s going to rain a lot. And maybe that’s what's going to really make it an adventure.

We went to apply for our passports on a rainy night last week. I had to schlep all four kids out into the rain first to take passport photos and then to rush downtown to the central passport agency. The kids were psyched since they have heard Jeff and I talk so much about traveling that they were thrilled at what their own passport meant. I was getting all giddy inside too, I was starting to feel like the mom I always dreamed I’d be as we talked in the car about all the things we were going to learn and see and do and experience.

And then we got out of the car downtown and I had to start negotiating all those little kids through dark rainy city streets. It was stressful. Charlie nearly ran out in front of a car. Emmeline wasn’t too happy (understatement). Peter needed to be fed. And the reality of my dream hit me like a brick. This is going to be hard and if I am serious about crafting it into the life I’ve imagined I need to buck up and start being the mom I imagined I’d be.

And I’m excited for the challenge. The life I’ve imagined would be flat without all the glitches that reality brings into the picture. It’s going to be hard. But it’s going to stretch us. We’re going to grow.

So, here we go in the direction of our dreams. Wish us luck!

Now, on to the grueling work of trying to figure out where in the heck to live. Oh yeah, and Christmas too. That’s coming up fast!

love,

the ~~boston~~ london shumways!

oh tannenbaum

2011-12-14T22:10:00.001-05:00

We lucked out with a gloriously warm winter day to go and cut ourselves down a fresh Christmas tree. Over the years I’ve piled up so many experiences where we are frantically choosing Christmas Trees in the biting cold air that this day felt like a true gift. We drove up to Cranes Neck Farm, parked our little mini van and loaded onto a tractor where they hauled us through acres of Christmas trees to the top of a hill where we got out and leisurely picked our tree. After the usual debacle over which tree to choose (where the kids and Jeff want to go with the first one we see and I want to carefully look at at least 20 trees before deciding) we chopped one down. It’s amazing how exciting it is for kids to chop down a tree. They were in heaven.

Then we just stayed and played in the Christmas tree forest. It was 70 degrees, why not!

I love getting our Christmas tree. I love the way putting that tree in the corner changes the whole feeling of our house. It means the season is here. It means I can listen to Christmas music without feeling like a cheater (I like to start listening as soon as the days get shorter). Our house smells of pine, there are needles everywhere and there is the constant soft glow of those twinkling white lights. I love Christmas trees.

After letting the tree sit for a day or two we hauled all the Christmas boxes up and started decorating. I put on the tree lights, but that’s really about it. Suddenly this year I have so little control over the whole decorating process. The kids remember how it is all supposed to be as if it’s burned into their little hearts. They madly took things out and placed them in their proper places. I was pretty tense the whole time, it’s time to give up control Saydi! These guys are growing up!

Even though it felt like a big whirlwind, it was so great going through the box of ornaments. Always feels like a trip down memory lane, taking out all those ornaments from Christmas’s past. Every year my mother in law sends an ornament to each kid and they love finding “their” ornaments. Emmeline especially loved it this year. I’ve decided that three is the perfect Christmas age. She get's it and she’s old enough to remember some personal Christmas history.

And then there’s Peter. Every minute it seems he is strengthening the skills he needs to topple over our beautiful Christmas tree. How can we hold him off for two weeks? The army crawl has started already.

It’s beginning

2011-12-07T22:27:00.001-05:00

to look a lot like Christmas around here.

Which means I’m starting to feel stressed and overwhelmed.

Suddenly things get a lot more cluttery. A big tree takes up half our living room and the place gets packed with sentimental decorations. Life starts zooming at a pace I can hardly keep up with. All my little lists seem to explode with jumbles of things to buy and to make and to read and to do and to enjoy.

This year I want to focus on that last list. I want to enjoy. Joy. Peace. Love. Isn’t that what this season is about? Funny cause there are lots of moments inside that start to feel like woe and craziness and annoyance.

All year I eagerly look forward to the Christmas season. It is packed with things I love and then wrapped up in that sweet spirit of Christmas that really doesn’t come any other time of year. But, through the years of being a mother at Christmas the whole season has been weighed down by all the physical and mental work that’s on my shoulders to make the magic come alive.

I was talking with a friend the other day about the Christmas season and how it always bowls me over, leaving me totally exhausted. She responded, “Yeah, by Christmas Day I’m always exhausted by all the fun I’ve had.” What the what the? Fun? I was more thinking about how tired and blown the work leaves me feeling. I usually don’t think too much about the fun.

Sure, I’m having fun the whole time, at least the makings are there for me to have fun, but I’m not very aware of that. I find myself acknowledging the work way more than the fun.

And, I’ve decided that needs to stop. I need to reframe things. This is all work I want to be doing. Work that shows my family and friends and neighbors how much I love them. If I focus on the work and how overwhelmed I am all the time I wind up feeling even more overwhelmed and totally miss the fun and joy that’s stuffed into the season. The traditions all just become work, the moments that lace all the work get scattered to the side as I whiz through the motions. And then complain about them.

So, here’s my strategy: I’m not going to grumble. I’m not going to complain (in my mind or to my friends or to Jeff) about all that there is to pack in. Instead, I’m going to acknowledge the fun and magic and wonder more. I’m going to talk about it, write it down….stop for moments every day to let the beauty of it all fall into my lap. I’m going to give up on perfection and instead focus on love.

I’ve noticed that when friends ask “how are you doing?” this time of year in my mind they are saying “how are you surviving this crazy season?” And I answer, “We’re great, but life is busy and blah blah blah.” I’m going to try to hear this question differently and respond a little more positively. Sure, we are all busy this time of year, but don’t we need to spend more time naming and talking about how awesome and magical it all is? How much fun we really are having? Maybe if I talk about that more I’ll actually be able to grasp all the fun, to let the moment soak into me, maybe the wonder will come alive like never before.

I can’t stand the fact that these days with little believers running around my home at Christmas time will one day be buried in my fuzzy memory. Sure these little believers create a lot of work. Sure, it’s exhausting. But, if I can stop and grasp the thrill of eyes all lit up by the tree and imaginations opened up by wonder and hope brought by a newborn king surely that can seep into my bones and give me all the energy I need to make it through the work.

This year on Christmas morning I want to melt into all the discarded wrapping paper in a heap of happy exhaustion, overwhelmed by all the love and joy (and fun) whizzing around me.

a new house?

2011-12-02T11:15:00.000-05:00

After seeing our Thanksgiving Card picture a lot of people have asked if we moved – either they don’t know us well at all or they’re joking. But boy do I wish we’d have moved into the mansion in that picture!

No such luck. But, we did spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon at the Cranes Estate in Ipswich. We often go to Cranes beach, but I have never taken my kids to the estate and boy we’ve been missing out. It is breath taking. A huge mansion and a long grassy rolling hill stretching out to the ocean. And, the grass is really as green as it looks in the pictures.

The day was perfect for pictures, so we I took a lot of them and since we had other people with us (Eva’s family and Saren) I forced Jeff to take a family picture. I bullied everyone into taking a bunch of them to make sure we had one we liked (grumbling all around) and then we ended up liking the very first picture snapped the best. Kind of ironic.

I’m gonna let the pictures tell the story here:

In my dreams I’ll live in this beautiful place, and in real life I’ll just try to visit it more. And maybe convince someone to hire me to take their family pictures there too. It’s pretty amazing.

early november at the beach

2011-12-01T11:03:00.001-05:00

We had a gloriously warm day in early November. And it happened to coincide with a teacher development day and the kids were out of school, so we headed to the beach with the Timothy’s. We stayed all day long, played with the tide as it went all the way out, the beach stretching longer and longer before us. We watched snails, caught crabs, searched for sand dollars.

I love the winter beach. I love it even more than the summer beach. It just feels like a gift to be out in the open, with all that fresh air and beauty wrapping us up in the cold. I feel loosed from my winter cave and my eyes are soothed as they're flooded with the stark loveliness of winter.

As the tide went down and the big kids were digging for crabs and clams in the rocks Emmeline and I discovered lots of little snails making their trails through the open sand. Aren’t the beautiful all in a row? We watched them move so slowly across the wet earth. Steady and slow. It made me long to move slow. Eva even took the kids so I could go on a solitary walk (with quiet little Peter on my back) and think and let the beauty of it all sink into my bones.

I think spontaneous trips to the beach with my kids on eerily warm winter days will be a part of this stage of my life that I’ll miss most. It’s magic.

wrapping up fall.

2011-12-01T10:22:00.001-05:00

I can not believe that fall has come and gone. It was a stretched out season this year. Indian summer stretched long and then got shoved out by an early snow storm, then came back in to party some more making the leaves less vibrant than is typical for New England, but they were breathtaking none the less. Just more subdued and burnt, somber and rich.
It has been a beautiful few months and since fall is technically over and we have our Christmas tree up I need to post a few lingering fall pictures so that I can remember what has happened in this whirlwind of falling leaves and hustling children. Saren came out for the Power of Moms retreat (I REALLY need to write about it because it was really amazing, I learned some life changing things….hopefully more on that soon). It was so great to have some Saren all to myself. She is such an incredible big sister. I just love being with her. We went running and marveled in the beauty falling around us. I love having a sister friend to soak things in with me. We just get things the same way.

We took the kids into Cambridge on a beautifully warm and windy day. We rubbed John Harvard's foot in Harvard Yard, walked through Harvard Square and checked out the new Longfellow Park Church building that replaced our beloved building that burned down a few years ago. We took a serendipity tour of Longfellow's house and played in his gardens. It was free and fascinating. I love the history that surrounds us here in Boston. Saren treated us to a ‘fancy 'dinner at Bertuccis. It was so nice to take my kids on an adventure in the middle of the week with such a capable second set of hands, I felt so relaxed and so able to enjoy it all. We had some amazing Indian summer afternoons where we ate dinner on the deck. And peter kept getting cuter. We celebrated my dad’s birthday by jumping in the leaves right where we do every year. Elijah came to Boston for work and spent a few evenings and a Saturday with us. We love that Eli!

We spent a Saturday with my cousin Elisha and her family. We visited Longfellow Wayside Inn where there is an awesome working grist mill and I took their family photos (and a few of my own kids). It was beautiful and so good to have some time with them. My kids adore their second cousins.

Peter ate a lot of food. Got two teeth. Is growing too fast. And yes, he is getting cuter by the day.

normal day thanksgiving.

2011-11-26T11:58:00.000-05:00

We had an interesting thanksgiving.

We were planning to go to NYC to spend Thanksgiving with my brother Tal and his 9 month pregnant wife Anita. We deliberated about whether we should go or not, it was a long drive, they have a small apartment, our car was acting funny, I was tired, we have a lot to do around the house. But, we (well I) decided that we should buck up and get our act together and put in the work it would take to have a little family adventure.

So, that’s what we did. And in getting ready I got all excited. Excited to see Tal and Anita (two of my favorite people in the world) to see them, see their new apartment, talk with Anita about her upcoming birth. We were excited to spend the day after Thanksgiving with Jeff’s sister Karen, brother John, and his new wife Clarissa. I got all geared up for the 4 hour drive - we’re listening to the Secret Garden audiobook and it’s getting exciting. I was excited to experience the city with my kids since they’re such different kids since the last time we went. My heart was starting to get giddy about driving into that city that I love, to feel it’s bustling thrill. The forecast was bright and sunny. We had things all packed up and ready to go. The stuffing and rolls were cooked and ready to transport, the Costco pre-cooked turkey was ready to pop in the microwave (I know, a travesty, but this is what you bring when you’re spending Thanksgiving in a tiny apartment with a woman about to give birth). Clothes were set out, bags were packed, oil changed and gas tank filled. We were ready.

And then at 1:23am I woke up to Emmeline barfing. And then again at 3:20.

You can’t drive four hours with a barfing child to a small apartment to visit a woman about to give birth. No can do.

So, suddenly like that, our plans changed. This wouldn’t be such a big deal for lots of people, but for me it was. It takes me a while to adjust my expectations (and I wonder where Hazel get’s that from!). And, as much as I long for stretched out quiet days at home my default setting is doing and going and adventuring and working. In the middle of the night when I registered what this sick child meant for our weekend my mind immediately started churning up new plans. Surely it was only a 12 hour bug and we could still go (irrational 3am thought), or maybe we could go on Friday instead, or maybe we could invite some friends over, or invite ourselves over to a friends house. Maybe we could find a hotel somewhere close on Hotwire.

But I woke up to my senses. We broke the news to Tal and Anita and our kids and we stayed put. Instead of all the hustle and bustle of the city we had a quiet stretched out Thanksgiving day at home. No one came over. We saw no one but each other all day.

It was amazing to have a whole day with nothing on my to do list. We just let the day unfold, we went for a walk/turkey trot around the Fells reservoir. Charlie polished silver, Hazel set a fancy table. We pulled together a three course thanksgiving feast with enough room to put everything on the table at once. I don’t think we’ve ever had a fancy dinner without guests. It utterly delighted my kids.

After dinner we lit a fire, made and ate pumpkin pie and watched a movie together.

The whole day felt like a scene in a movie, you know the kind where the cinematography makes everything appear slow and glowing and soft and crystally.

Everyone was happy. No one rushed. Even little sick Emmeline was pleasant and cuddly.

It was simple. Quiet. A perfectly ordinary day.

But because ordinary days are so rare around here with all I feel compelled to cram into our lives, when they slip in they are extraordinary.

The day was normal and glorious. A pure gift.

I feel like life has been schooling me lately on how to grasp the present. How to celebrate the ordinary. How to see the beauty in each normal day. How to stop trying to fill in things and instead leave space. And this Thanksgiving Day experience really hit it all home.

Thank you dear little sick Emmeline for forcing me to see, once again, the beauty in the ashes.

happy thanksgiving

2011-11-24T20:52:00.000-05:00

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ― Mary Jean Iron

This year we’re grateful for our normal days. Even for the mundane. Especially since we’ve had a very normal day today (more on that later).

I love love love this quote and am trying to remind myself how glorious our normal every days are and how much I’ll long for these days one day.

Yes, I will long for these days full of laundry and whining and messes and chaos. For, if I stop, press pause and grasp the moments I see that they are also chock full of love. Crystals are floating all around us in the air (along with all that dust).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Rejoice over Everything.

2011-11-23T22:11:00.004-05:00

Rejoice over everything.

Exult. Exhilarate.
Be glad. Be delighted, elated, and bowled over with joy!

Frolic freely, hop, hope, dance on the dare, cheer,
champion the little ones, revel in the riotous light.

Invoke God without ceasing. Pray with passion.
Whatever you do, do not quench the Spirit.

Take care not to douse or dampen the bold blaze in your depths.
Jump into life. Hold fast to it.

Give thanks for everything.
For everything, even the most misshapen and misunderstood,
is the disguise of the divine.

Susan Virginia Hull

I heard this read at candle light carols last year and just happened upon it this week as I was going through my files. I’ve been thinking about it all week as I’ve been trying to get into the Thanksgiving spirit. I want more rejoicing in my life and less griping. I want to let my blessings bowl me over rather than feel stuck in ruts and mires. I want to hold fast to life. I want more cheering, championing, reveling. More Exulting. More gratitude for all that is right and good and amazing about my life and less complaining about what’s not perfect. I want less discontent and more contentment. More peace. More joy in what is. For, as she says, everything is a gift. When we can see it that way, when we can reframe life and see the divine in all the corners we can’t help but rejoice.

It’s so easy to let that bold blaze in my depths get trapped under all the clutter of complaints, discontent, worry, cynicism. Time to dig my way out. Jump into life. Work for contentment. Give thanks for everything.

Don't you think Thanksgiving is such a great way to start off the Christmas season. Rejoice!

thankful.

2011-11-22T09:14:00.000-05:00

I can’t believe it’s already the week of thanksgiving! How did that time go by so fast? Oh, maybe it’s that I’ve been running a million miles a minute.

I was so ambitious at the beginning of the thanksgiving season. All gung ho to get totally into the thankful spirit. I’ve been reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp recommended by Catherine. It is beautiful so far and has really sold me on the idea of gratitude. Gratitude makes you happy. Period. Ann Voskamp is challenged to write down 1000 things she is grateful for. 1000 gifts. When I read that I thought, that’s it, that’s what I’m going to do this November. I’m going to grasp every good gift in my life, write them down in a poetic way. Capture them in my heart. Feel full.

But then things spun out of control (they’ve been doing that a lot lately) and now it’s the week before Thanksgiving. I’ve thought a lot about blessings. We’ve been talking a lot about thankfulness as a family. We have our thankful tree up. But I haven’t sat down to really reflect and write my blessings at all.

So, I’m going to bag the totally unrealistic challenge of 1000 and see if I can get to 100 in the next few days. Now I’m not talking about a one word kind of list. I could nail out 1000 easily if I was just thinking one word. Salt, computers, pens, jonny jump up, books, car, friends, air, wireless internet, cell phones, rain, heat, running water. No, I’m talking a thoughtful list of gifts. A list that forms images in my head, that helps the beauty of those gifts bring me into the present. A list that will help me taste the joy of all the blessings that my life is bursting with.

While I’m far from any kind of poet, I’m going to give it a try. My list won’t be as beautiful as hers, but that shouldn’t stop me from doing it, right? So, here goes. I’m going to write a few I thought of today and then go from there. I won’t bore you with all of them on the blog….just starting here to keep me honest.

(and these are in no particular order, except for the first one)

Jesus Christ. His example. His influence in our lives. His atonement. The spirit that floods our home when we focus on Him and try follow Him.
sweet friendship between Hazel and Charlie
crunching leaves under my feet on a crisp morning run
hearing Hazel gently negotiate Emmeline through getting ready for bed
my children’s examples to me of patience, forgiveness, love, concern
peter breathing heavy on my shoulder, drunk on my milk
emmeline’s expressive eyebrows
charlie’s curious mind, ever asking why and figuring
Hazel’s creative mind. ever creating and seeing the world in ways I’d never dream of.
Emmeline’s cheeks, red with exuberance for life.
Emmeline’s restless cuddles in the morning
Peter’s easy, sparkly smile.
the sound of jeff walking in the door after a long day for both of us
the ability to video chat with all 9 of my siblings at once over google groups – amazing.
friends who will drop anything to help me
only a few rounds of antibiotics ever in our little families medical history
a crackling fire in the background of an afternoon’s rough and tumble rattle and noise
a body that can stay up late and get up early and still function moderately well
Hazel school, complete with report cards for Charlie and Emmeline.
a church community that helps fill the void of being away from family
shiny house plants that I haven’t killed
light coming in my living room window in the late afternoon
afternoon snack time with hot coco, peppermint Jo Jos and tales from school
friends who make you want to be excellent
the big wide world and all the diversity that it has to offer
Charlie's wide grin when he first sees me at school pick up
the smell of my bed as I sink into it after a long day
peace as I nurse peter in the dark before dawnbreak
hearing only the muffled bedtime silliness of my children as I nurse peter down for the night in the dark quiet stillness of his room.
front row seats to my kids’ daily funky dance concerts
Emmeline’s heavy but searching eyes as I sing her Jesus songs before bed
sleeping children
radiators hissing, pouring in warmth to our little home
private tours through Lego creations, knex carnivals, tinker toy museums
interesting tid bits of information about the outside world from Jeff
being a first hand witness when my children utter the occasional real prayer. real connection with their Father.
hazel’s piano practicing when I walk in the door from my run
all the minute by minute details hazel gives me about her day
the beauty of a family meal and dinner conversations, even when they derail into silliness.
looking through old photographs, telling us who we were and are
bed time.
Emmeline’s middle of the night needs answered by Jeff while I sleep
open, inspiring talks on a morning run
mist rising in the cemetery
the soundtrack of baby babbling, screeching and sighing as I make my way through the day
cheerios stuck to little fingers, somehow making their way, without my help, into a little hungry mouth
comments on my blog letting me know I’m not alone
calls from and to sisters and far away friends as I sweep the floor, fold laundry or load the dishwasher
love connections captured by my camera reminding me of all the goodness in each life
the feeling of a warm shower after a cold run

I’m half way there, and I’m just scratching the surface. Maybe I’ll get close to 1000 after all.

Gratitude = Happiness

help!

2011-11-21T17:47:00.001-05:00

It’s nearly 5:30 and I have no idea what to make for dinner.

We’ve sunk into a serious dinner rut around here and we need some help out. I’m looking for quick, easy, healthy meals that my kids and Jeff will enjoy (Jeff being the picky one around here). I know, I should think ahead, plan the weeks menu, get all the ingredients, prep in the morning, all that jazz. But, that jazz doesn’t seem to work around here. I’m beginning to accept the fact that I’m just not that on top of things and instead of trying to squeeze into a mold that isn’t me I’m looking for another way to solve the problem. I’ve deiced that I need to find 30 min meals. Meals I can think about at 5:45 and have on the table at 6:15 (or so). Meals with simple ingredients that I can mostly have on hand. Meals that don’t require even a recipe, just some basic instructions of how to throw them together (getting out and reading and following recipes just takes time and energy and focus that is hard to muster around here).

I know this is the holy grail of mom cooking….everyone is looking for it. But I thought I’d throw out a plea and see if anyone out there can save me!

I do have a few 30 min meals up my sleeve to share, but we’re getting a little tired of them around here.

For what they’re worth, here are a few that always work in a pinch:

Chicken Noodle Soup

Put 4 cups water and 4 tsps. better than bullion in your soup pan. Add 2 frozen chicken breasts. Start them cooking with a few bay leaves while you cut up a few celery sticks and 3 or four carrots. Throw those in there and when they’re almost tender add some wide egg noodles, parsley and fresh ground pepper. While the noodles are cooking take out the chicken breasts, shred them and return to the pot.

voilà!! Dinner in 30 min.

Ginger Stir Fry with Chicken and Red Peppers

Get some white rice started.

Sauté some chopped garlic and fresh ginger in a little oil (about a tbs of each).

Add chopped chicken breasts and cook a few minutes.

Add chopped red peppers (I have thrown in broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, carrots, whatever you have on hand) but it’s so simple and tasty and pretty with just the red peppers.

Meanwhile in a big liquid measuring cup pour in 1 cup chicken broth, 1/4 cup soy sauce, 2 Tbs vinegar (I use rice vinegar), 2 Tbs cornstarch and a few shakes of red pepper flakes. Stir and add this mixture to cooking chicken and peppers. When sauce thickens up and chicken is cooked through remove from heat.

Add sliced green onions (or chives if you have them in the garden) and some peanuts.

Serve over rice.

voilà! Dinner in 30 min.

Other 30 min ideas:

- scrambled eggs with ham and cheese

- Spanish tortilla (will post the recipe for this sometime….basically a potato and onion frittata)

- can can chili (veggie chili made from just canned beans)

- Burritos or tacos

- salad with grilled chicken

- Thai curry

Ok, got to go make dinner! Still not sure what to make. It will come to me, right?

Please, Please, Please send me any links or ideas you have!

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

2011-11-17T00:24:00.001-05:00

And Hazel beholds beauty in places that most people don’t think to look.

I love watching her creativity unfold.

I can’t wait to see what marvelous things she does with it.

a family calling

2011-11-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

Just before summer our family got “called” to attend and serve in the Lynn Spanish branch of our church. This means we were asked to stop attending our congregation that we’d been a part of for nearly 7 years and attend a little tiny Spanish speaking congregation up in Lynn (about 20 min north of where we live). This came as kind of a shock to us all. We were feeling pretty darn comfortable where we were and felt so integrated and happy.

But I don’t know why it came as a shock. For months I had been hoping and praying for some kind of new adventure. Some opportunity to come along that would stretch us, open our eyes, give us some experience, take us out of the rut we’ve made so nice and comfortable for ourselves. I had a strong feeling for months that we were on the brink of something, of some new family adventure. I guess, looking back, I was envisioning us moving to another country with some new fancy job for Jeff. But, that is clearly not what God was envisioning (not for now anyway). He was envisioning us being uprooted in our very own lives, doing something new and hard right where we were planted.

I sort of grumbled inside about this big change until we had our first Sunday there and our first primary activity. It was then that realized how perfectly this calling fills our needs as a family right now. How it is a perfect gift from God. How his hand is in the details of our lives. How he knows us, knows our kids, knows our situation, knows what we need.

The transition to the branch was rough, and not very well thought out on anyone's part. We were asked to go, accepted and announced it all within a few hours. This gave us all very little time to process what was happening. The kids were bewildered as people came up to them all day in church asking them if they were excited, if they were nervous about having to learn Spanish and saying their farewells. They had no idea what was going on. When we finally got the chance to talk to them about it they were pretty upset. They did not want change. They felt a little betrayed and unprepared. They didn’t understand why we were being asked to do this or why we said yes. That evening we had a little family meeting and explained that we didn’t really know why we were being asked to do this either but that we were sure it would be something that would help us learn and grow.

They went dragging their feet into our small new little rented space meeting house. Lynn really is like stepping into another country. All the signs are in Spanish. You are suddenly a minority. Everything feels foreign. When they realized that everything at church really was in Spanish they kind of freaked out a little bit. Jeff went with them to Primary (where the kids go for their Sunday School classes) and they were clingy and crying and making quite a scene.

But, the entire congregation greeted them (and us) so incredibly warmly. Our kids didn’t really know what to think of it. Everyone was giving them hugs and talking at them in a language the didn’t understand. The Primary leaders were all rallying around them to help them feel comfortable. They found someone to translate, they hugged them again and again. They smiled, they taught them a few words in Spanish. But still, my kids clung and cried. By the end of the two hour primary block they were a little less fragile but on the way home they insisted that they were never ever going back.

That evening I thought a lot about how the day had gone. Were we doing the right thing? Was this too much for our kids? Were we really in the right place? Was it fair to ask all the members of this new congregation to spend so much of their time and energy making us feel ok? But, despite all the evidence against this change, I felt at peace.

I want my kids to know how to do hard things. I want them to have experiences that stretch them. In a way I’m hoping that the drama of that day will stick with them forever. I hope they’ll remember how hard it is to be new and different and lost. I hope that one day they’ll be on the other end of it all and remember how hard it was. And I hope when that day comes their little souls will be wise with experience and know how to come and rescue others who are lost.

As good as I thought that extreme challenge was for them that first day, I did pray that something would happen to make things a little easier on them.

And, that prayer was answered.

Before the next Sunday there was a service activity for the kids. We all met on a Thursday afternoon and cleaned the church building together. My kids were not excited about going, but they didn’t grumble too much (especially when I told Charlie he could bring the Dust Buster with him). We were greeted again so warmly with hugs and kisses. It was clear that the Primary leaders were spending all of their efforts to try to make my kids feel at home. And, within minutes, they had all made new friends and were happily working to clean together. We all ended up outside the building to clean the sidewalk in front and everyone was engaged and working hard and happy. We ate watermelon afterwards while the kids ran crazy with their new friends (who all speak English). And we left with both Hazel and Charlie yelling “Adios!” out of our van window. On the way home they both concurred that they LOVED our new branch and, in Hazel’s words they “never want to go back to our old ward!”

Just like that they were hooked. There has been a tiny bit of complaining about not understanding everything since then, and boy is it harder to keep them reverent during Sacrament Meeting since they don’t understand a lick of what’s going on. But, overall we’ve all loved attending church there. The kids have made some really great new friends, they’re learning some Spanish, Jeff and I have met so many amazing and inspiring people, my Spanish is slowly coming back to me and we’ve ate truckloads of amazing food. They really know how to throw some tasty parties.

I feel like suddenly we’re part of a big giant family. There’s a lot of love in that branch. I leave exhausted (it’s hard to function for three hours in your second language) but happy and full of the spirit.

This change is one of the best things that has happened to us as a family, and we wouldn’t have chosen it on our own.

I’ve learned that God is aware of our little family and he is pushing us in the ways we need to go.

And I am grateful.

RIP steve

2011-11-12T23:59:00.001-05:00

Steve is my little red Honda civic (big cousin max named him when he was 3 after blues clues). I bought him in DC (oddly with the help of Jeff who was only a fiend then) right after graduation, he came with me to NYC and now he’s been our trusty family/second car for years.

He’s been with me through thick and thin. Up and down the east coast a bazillion times, carried girlfriends and boyfriends to all kinds of adventures, been back and forth from NYC to Boston while Jeff and I were dating, across the country twice after we got married. We drove to the birth center while in labor four times in that bumpy car (and I felt every bump). He has brought home two newborns, so tiny that they’re almost lost in the back seat. I’ve bumped toddler’s heads on those door jams and accidentally shut a few little fingers in those windows. He’s been in all kinds of fender benders, in all sorts of fix it shops, I’ve (by myself) changed the battery and tired quite a few times. He’s been presumed stolen several times on the streets of NYC but every time turned up in a tow yard instead. He’s gotten a lot of parking tickets. We’ve lent him out to various neighbors and friends. And through it all he’s just kept running and running.

We figure that if we were paying a car payment on this guy (which we never did, my dad helped me buy him flat out in cash) it would come to about $15 a month.

But that wouldn’t count the exorbitant amount of money we threw into him at the end to try to keep him going…..but I’m trying to let that part go.

Short story, he died. Oil light came on, engine started to sound like a barrel of rattling bolts, smoke started coming out of the back. Despite all our best efforts, all the advice from Grandpa Ron, all the hope -and faith and prayers of our dear neighbor Joyce who used the car regularly he just died. There was just nothing we could do. A tow truck came, gave us three crisp $100 bills and took him away.

But, before he went the kids and I took “the red car” out on a little last joy ride. And boy, was it joyful. The kids all took turns really driving that car (don’t’ worry, we were in a big empty parking lot and I was sitting right next to them with my foot ready to brake at any sign of panic or inability). They were very cautious and grown up about the whole thing and thrilled out of their minds.

If I were my awesome sister in law Aja, and if it weren’t almost midnight I might write a eulogy for poor faithful trusty old Steve like she did for her chicken. But that’s not in the cards for me.

Man, though, I’m gonna miss that car.

go great white sharks!!!

2011-11-12T05:47:00.000-05:00

Charlie has totally come alive this season with soccer. Not sure if it was that he has such good friends on his team, such an awesome coach, or some nudging to get aggressive from his dad or his cousin claire inspiring him, but something has awakened a soccer animal in him. Sure, half the time he is still chatting with Saul by the goal, or striking up a conversation with someone on the other team but the other half he is INTO IT!Every time anyone scored on their team their arms all shot up. Victory!

He spent all season counting the days down until Saturday. He loved every minute of it.

Go Great White Sharks!!!!

american gothic

2011-11-11T12:40:00.000-05:00

This was Hazel’s idea. We were up at this farm, Hazel saw the house, saw the pitchfork, saw her best boy friend Ian, remembered this picture that she’s tried to draw a few times and decided to try to recreate it.

Oh, I love that quirky, artistic awesome Hazel. She is suddenly so much more joy than she is trouble or heart ache. I love the person that she is, deep, feeling, smart, capable, funny, empathetic, real, good.

Isn’t it amazing to see your kids become people you really really like?

She’s FREE!!!

2011-11-10T17:32:00.001-05:00

Emmeline turned 3 yesterday. She’s been anticipating this day since her big day last year. Maybe there’s something extra special about birthdays for a middle child. She’s obsessed with them. She just ate up all the attention showered on her.

We had a packed day, all dictated by Emmeline. She planned out the activities, the menu, the presents. She was the boss.

We had a birthday breakfast with her favorite pancakes and rollies from home depot (sausages from Costco). I’m not sure who was more excited about the presents, the birthday girl or the big kids. Since we have WAY TOO MANY toys in our house and since the kids are saving their money to buy Christmas presents I encouraged them to find something special that was theirs to pass on to Emmeline for her birthday. (I figure we can only get away with those kids of gifts for a few years when she really doesn’t know the difference). They were so enthusiastic about this idea and went searching through their stuff to find something that Emmeline would really love. Charlie created a board game out of Legos called “Lexia” that he is going to make and play with Emmeline. He packed up all the pieces, all organized into little jars and bins, in a big box for her to open. She was excited, but he was ecstatic. Oh, the joy of giving. Hazel took some of her precious pearler beads that she got for her birthday and packed them into a box (her own little “kit” as Hazel called it) for Emmeline with a coupon for a class in using them. In past birthday pinches I have bought a few little trinkety kind of presents for the kids to choose from to give to the birthday child. This new approach was so much easier, cheaper and better. The kids all felt so much ownership over their gifts and everyone was happy (maybe especially me since I don’t have to now figure out where to put all the new gifts). After getting the big kids off to school Emmeline and Peter and I put the final stickers on Emmeline’s “Dry Big Girl” chart and headed up to Monkey Joes. Monkey Joes is a ridiculously expensive jumpy house place that Emmeline is obsessed with. She giggles and runs all rosy cheeked from slide to jumpy house to slide. We went there a few months ago when she filled up her first potty chart and she got hooked. It is so awesome to watch her so excited, flying down the steepest, scariest slide in the place. (It’s so steep and fast that Peter can’t even watch or he gets totally distressed).

Some of her little friends met us there. She was so excited to show off her three-ness and her birthday queen crown that came with a card from Joyce. On the way up she told me a few times about how her friends are going to say “Oh, look at that Emmeline with the crown, she must be the birthday queen.”

She loves jumping so much we decided maybe that should be Emmeline’s birthday tradition. Hazel and Charlie made me promise to let them come next time. Jumping would be a good tradition, right? Maybe in the future that could include all kinds of jumping – ranging from trampoline jumping to bungee jumping to cliff jumping to airplane jumping. Hmm. We’re going to think about that one. She does need a good tradition.

We stopped for a quick Costco hot dog for lunch (at her request) and rushed home to meet Heidi who is perhaps Emmeline’s most favorite person in the world. Heidi gave her this cute little home made card (which Emmeline now keeps in her new treasure box) and a little dolly pack and play. I wish I’d taken a picture of those two together. I guess the picture on the card captures what they look like pretty well, though Emmeline’s body should be a little less sticky and more roundy, oh, and Emmeline’s hair should be falling in front of her eyes.

We picked up the big kids from school and headed to the Stone Zoo with Joyce. I love that zoo. It’s right by our house, it’s small, it’s easy to get through everything in an hour and it’s only $2 a person with a library pass. Because we were there right before dusk all the animals were out to wish Emmeline a happy birthday. There was also a one armed (he had lost an arm) monkey there who put on quite a show for us before heading into his house for the night. Seriously, it was like watching an amazing acrobat. He was totally hamming it up, and we were his private little audience. Coolest thing I’ve ever seen at a zoo.

Since it’s Emmeline’s odd birthday year we didn’t have a friend party, but we did invite Joyce (maybe her best friend right next to Heidi) to come to the Zoo and have dinner and cake and ice cream after. And then it was home to make pizza and cake and open a few lingering presents.

I love how seriously they’re all taking blowing out the candles! I think it took all the self control those big kids could muster to let her blow by herself. Do you like the cake? Turns out instant pudding makes great frosting in a pinch when you’re out of butter.

the family birthday party.

Enough about the big day, I’ve been longing to write a blog post about Emmeline for a while here, almost daily Jeff and I talk about how we just want to freeze her right now (of course we’d have to freezer her at just the right moment – we wouldn’t want her stuck in a full blown tantrum forever). But, we do kind of want to freeze the whole package. There’s something about the third child that makes even their bad sides lovable. Maybe experience with the older two teach you that they grow through stages and that before you know it they’ll be through the terrible twos and they’ll be 7 and there’s no going back.

So, here are some things we love about Emmeline these days. She is an amazing little and big sister. She is so kind and gentle and loving towards Peter. She is always mimicking the way I talk to him, but in a way cuter voice. Today we had a little stroller accident at Monkey Joes that showed me just how much she really genuinely loves and cares about her little baby brother. As soon as we got there, Emmeline, in all her excitement starting pushing Peter, turbo style, across the floor. It was all slow motion to me, she was going pretty fast and suddenly she hit into one of the big thick gym mats and the whole stroller, slowly it seemed, but too quick to get to, toppled over and did a big flip. Luckily Peter was strapped in and totally fine aside from being a little spooked. Emmeline, on the other hand, was undone. I have never seen her so upset. When I got the stroller all upright again she, balling and shaking and totally flustered, hurried to Peter’s side and stroked his head to make sure he was ok. It was a raw moment of pure love and concern that cut through any question of whether or not she was just all cute and loving towards him because she was mimicking the rest of her family. She truly loves that boy and it whenever I see that love manifest (which is quite often) my heart skips a beat.

She is bursting with personality. She has so many great expressions and animations when she talks. This picture above is the closest I’ve come to being able to capture one of her expressions. She is just in that stage where she is expressing pretty complex thoughts and since she’s so wobbly still with her words and sentence structure she makes up for it by using totally awesome facial expressions. One eyebrow goes down, a lip curves up, a nose wrinkles, her eyes squint and she gets her point across. I have wished over and over and over that I could just push record on a little video recorder in my head to capture how funny and delightful and quirky she is in the moment. It’s just not the same Emmeline when I actually get her recorded. I love Emmeline’s shoulder shrug. She does this a lot, and this one little expression of body language says so many different things, so loud and clear.

I love putting Emmeline to bed. I really love it. I think we both do, and it’s so nice to have a job at the end of the day that is so enjoyable. We read a short book, we kneel at her bed and say a short prayer (which, when I can get her to say, are adorable) and then I kneel at her side and sing her a few little primary songs. She always wants the ones about Jesus. I look into her eyes and stroke her cheek (if I forget to do the stroking, she picks up my hand and moves it around on her cheek to remind me). Her eyes are miles deep as she listens so carefully to make sense of the meaning of the words. She lives in a world of words right now, trying to figure out how to put them together to frame her thoughts which are becoming more and more complex as the days go on. I can almost see the little gears spinning in her brain as she listens to the songs and as she tries to put big new ideas into words.

Emmeline is super duper neat and tidy (with her things, not so much with her personal hygiene….notice the constant food around her mouth). Always eager to put things away. She’s amazingly responsive to any of my requests to go get something, or put something in its place. Unlike some children around here, she hardly ever forgets what I’ve asked her to go and do. I quickly forget that I’ve asked her to go and

Emmeline is my little buddy these days with the big kids gone to school for so long each day. She is constantly exclaiming in surprise, MOM! It’s just you and me and Peter! She’s so aware of who's around and how she fits into the world.

Emmeline takes after Hazel and has a quirky sense of humor. Lately she’s been coming up to me about 5 times a day quoting me a part from Tangled. She says to me: “Huh, that’s so funny. He says, ‘you look……ridiculous” and she says the ridiculous in a really high voice. Check it out here in this video, around 1:10.

Emmeline is my little brain. She is always reminding me of what I need before leaving the house. Yesterday I sat down to the computer and said, exacerbated, “Oh boy, what am I sitting down here to do?” and without missing a beat she said, “You were going to email the library.” She was totally right that’s exactly what I had sat down to do. Maybe I’ll train her to be my executive assistant.

Emmeline is really interested in her place in the world lately. She is always asking about what things were like when she was a baby, she is delighted to hear about anything she said or did or wore or thought was funny. She loved hearing the story of her birth and her newborn days as we ate breakfast yesterday. She’s so busy in her little head, working out the world.

At one point while driving in the car she yelled out at the top of her lungs, “I’m FREE!!!” Three probably does feel pretty freeing.

Three really is the beginning of freedom and I feel like I there’s no holding her back from the world. She’s letting it in with arms wide open. I can’t wait to see the life she leads as it unfolds.

We had a nice birthday prayer, just me and her, at the end of the day yesterday. She knelt so reverently with her eyes closed tight (I peeked), trying to make sense of all my words of hope and blessing.

When the prayer was over I told her I wanted to eat her cheeks off because they were so cute. She told me that I couldn’t, “they’re attached.”

random fall happenings

2011-11-09T14:41:00.000-05:00

For father’s day I gave Jeff a sailing class that I got via a groupon (love those things!). It was awesome. We went out in the Boston Harbor with another couple (who Jeff happened to know well from work….) and our wicked awesome instructor. He was a vet with a mechanical leg and the lesson was both informative and colorful. He told us that he could tell from the way we looked that we wouldn’t mind his off color, un-pc jokes. Hmmm. It was quite beautiful being out on the Harbor with nothing but a quite sail and wind. One day I’d love to get into sailing. What a great way to feel alive. My parents came into town for a business school reunion. It was quit different from their normal visits as they were both laid up with strange, but super painful body ailments. They said it was good, it was giving me a taste for what it will be like to have them around 40 years from now. I loved having a chance to serve them for a change while they were here. Hazel keeps finding adorable places to pose and asking me to photograph her. This one was taken after a rain storm as she came out of her piano lesson. The light was really pretty, too bad I only had my iPhone. Emmeline is my little turbo power booster lady when we go to pick up or drop off the kids at school. She can get Peter’s stroller rolling so fast I can hardly keep up. When I forget to ask for the power boost she instead melts into a puddle of whines that she is too tired or too thirsty. Poor girl, pick up comes at the time she is most tired. I miss taking our little elementary school three houses down the road. The kids are thrilled with their teachers and classes, if they weren’t we’d be transferring faster than you can say slick banana. Crazy Hair Day at school. Peter is finally sitting up (like a little champ) and rolling over and, yikes, nearly crawling!!!! Has anyone seen my baby?These were taken at the pond in our cemetery. I love those shining waters. We have spent so many lazy hours on that grass over the years. Peter has started to eat, and I mean really eat. He and I both had thrush for a few weeks which was not fun. But, we’re back in working order now and this guy is snarfing everything down.

And last, Charlie got this awesome aviator suit in the mail a few weeks ago from his cousin Camden. It’s fantastic. As Cam says, “Just one zip and you’re ready to go!”

Time of Wonder

2011-11-08T11:39:00.001-05:00

There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again. ~Elizabeth Lawrence

Whenever it’s an unusually beautiful day or when we have Eyre family in town we always head up to Newburyport to spend some time with the Timothy family. Sweet Eva Timothy is the closest to an adopted sister I’ll ever have. Saren met her on her mission in Bulgaria, she came to the US for college and stayed with my family and ever since she has been a dear sister friend. I love it that she lives so close. I love it that she lives in one of the most charming and surrounded by beauty towns on earth, I love it that my kids love her kids so much and play in the wide open for hours together. Most of all I love her approach to life. She is so happy and grateful and really truly lives every minute of life. You can’t help but drink in all the stunning details of our world when you’re around her. She sees them all and opens her arms wide to catch their beauty.

(and she has an incredible talent at capturing what her eyes see with her camera….check out her magic here)

The thing I might appreciate about her best lately is her approach to childhood. She knows that her children are bursting with wonder and she opens up days, stretched long in front of them, full of pockets of wonder for them to discover.

It’s going to be 67 today, in November, so, of course we’re headed up in a few hours to enjoy the beach with her. I can’t wait. I’ve never regretted an adventure with the Timothys. We always come home with our thirst for wonder quenched. Exhausted and happy, full of sunshine and wind. These pictures are from a trip at low tide on an Indian summer day in late September. The kids spent hours hauling all this driftwood into one spot so that they could build a “tent” and start a “fire.” Eva has taught me so much about seeing the world through a child’s eyes. She has helped me see sparks of curiosity and wonder in my children and helped learn how to protect those sparks in my children.

We’ve come a long way walking down these board walks since this trip way back when Charlie was tiny.

One day I’ll make a collage of all our crystals beach days together. I want to remember all that we’ve marveled at together as we’ve grown with our children through so many magical days. My parents came into town this fall and we headed up for an afternoon with Eva and her kids. We ate yummy food at their house and talked while the kids explored their backyard, lost in the wildness of it. Then we walked across the street to this old historic but still working farm. They volunteer to go and feed the animals and gather the eggs every Tuesday night, so we got to go with them. Aside from the fight my kids had over who got to keep the one precious egg it was awesome. It made me want to just move in next door. What a childhood her kids have!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the wonder of childhood lately and I wonder if I am providing enough of it stuck in our stuffy house surrounded by other houses with vinyl siding. Long days filled with exploration and unstructured space and time are few and far between with the business of school and stuff and rules and all the ridiculous worries about childhood safety. Part of me longs to move next to a big meadow and let my kids run free till dinner. This is when we all feel alive.

We could never have loved the earth so well if we had had no childhood in it. ~George Eliot

How do let wonder into your children’s childhood? I’d love to know.

apple picking - 2011

2011-11-05T18:26:00.000-04:00

The kids and I made a goal to go apple picking 4 times this year. We have a great orchard (Brooksby Farms) not too far from our house. We go there every year. It is everything you’d want in an apple orchard: rows and rows of apple trees, grand vistas of surrounding fall fields, big patches of sunflowers, n farm animals, hay rides, pumpkin patches, apple cider doughnuts, a big country farm store and the most delicious apples you’ve ever tasted.

We didn’t quite make our goal, but we did go three times.

The first time was with the Rockland Five (Charlie’s friends and their families from the Rockland last year). This was Emmeline’s first time really getting the picking part. She was thrilled about apples everywhere to eat and pick and throw. And thrilled about trees to climb. Hazel came mostly interested in taking pictures. I love it. She is always thinking of new poses she wants me to capture. Gladly, Hazel, gladly. She is such a gem lately.

Peter was pretty content to lay in that soft grass, all adorned in that adorable sweater and hat made his Aunt Mary Ann. And Charlie had a wild time with this crazy crew.

The second time it was just me and the kids. We picked one bag of apples and picked out pumpkins. And the third time was with our dear old couple friends, Ryan and Barb and their adorable Lillie. We did a little photo shoot while we were there, and caught an amazing Rainbow. It is so great to see old friends. We knew these guys when we were all still single. We dated together and married a week apart. They left to China for their extended honeymoon and we took off to the Philippians. We have a history together….it was so good to be with them again. And I had to take a bunch of pictures of Peter, you know while the camera was out and ready. Don’t you love that drool?In case you can’t see it very well, here are some close ups. Evidence of teeth coming in – growing up.Just as we were getting ready to eat our doughnuts and drink our cider we were surprised by a double rainbow. I’m certain this was the most brilliant, almost florescent rainbow I have ever seen. It stopped everyone in their tracks. The whole place just stopped and watched while it got brighter and then faded back into the fall sky. And of course, we had to stop to see the pigs. Maybe this skirt isn’t a good pick for the biscuit. Seems it’s always showing a little something.

Thanks for another great year, Brooksby.

john + clarissa

2011-11-04T23:18:00.001-04:00

And finally, the big event. Don’t these two look stunning?

I was a little nervous leading up to the wedding. Were my kids all going to behave themselves? Were they going to freak out instead of walk calmly down the isle? Charlie was a ring bearer (at first this was confusing to him but once we explained that we were saying “bearer” not “bear” he got it) and Emmeline and Hazel were flower girls. I was most nervous about Emmeline. She is a wild card these days, you never know how she’s going to react to situations. She could have had a total tantrum, her obsessive compulsive side could have kicked in and she could have melted in a puddle of worry that she was “littering” rose petals, she put a big wrench in the works by insisting to pick up all the petals she threw out. There could have been public fighting and wining and wrestling. Food could have been spilled on carefully ironed (by Nedra, not me) clothes just before the ceremony. The possibilities were endless. So, I was a little stressed.

But, aside from a short little crisis of an old scab pulled off and blood dripping on those white dresses, everything went smoothly. Emmeline wasn’t the happiest of flower girls, she was pretty freaked out as she walked down the isle but she made it, and everyone was smiling. She didn’t throw any flowers, and at one point Hazel stopped to take some out of her basket to show her how it is done, but she didn’t catch on. Hazel was a super star. She was so sweet to help her little sister. It was pretty much a heart melter.

All three of my “big” kids sat through the service totally silent and mesmerized. It was a beautiful beautiful service. Funny and thoughtful and touching and deep and light. It was perfect.

(photos by http://www.mariellehayes.com/ with a few of mine stuck in there, aren’t the stunning? )

Charlie took his job very seriously. Doesn’t he look great with his wedding haircut? (Cut by the same woman who used to cut Jeff’s hair)Look at Emmeline’s face…..I love it. She was like a deer in the headlights. Not sure what to do. Thankfully Hazel was there to show her how it was done. These two were bathed in the most beautiful window light as they sat and let the whole new experience soak in. I loved watching them. The wedding dinner was perfect. There was amazing music and delicious food, and funny commentary and toasts with milk shakes. And there was dancing. Hazel was mesmerized by the beauty of the bride. That was adorable, but not too surprising. What was surprising was that Charlie was just as obsessed with her. He kept asking where she was and saying he wanted to go and see her again and again. At the end of the night they all got to dance with Clarissa. Charlie was a little shy at first (see him looking from the side lines?) but was thrilled when he got in on the action. Clarissa is a wonderful human being. We’re so happy that she is now officially Aunt Clarissa.

I can’t wait to see what life holds for these two. They seem they were made for each other.

Needless to say, we all kind of crashed at the end of the night. And then the fun was over and it was pack up and ship out. Back to real life.

pre-wedding activities at the shumways

2011-11-04T22:20:00.001-04:00

While in the bay area we spent a lot of good quality time at Grandma and Grandpa Shumway's house. I didn’t take many pictures of all the hanging out we did, but these kind of capture the essence:Isn’t my mother-in-law’s garden gorgeous? So lush and artistic. Abounding with delicious foods. A few days before the wedding we got to take a quick trip to see Great Grandma Marge. She lives in an assisted living place just through the tunnel from the Shumways. She was so kind and gracious and thankful that we came. She was happy to meet Peter, and, as you can see, he was pretty interested in her. This baby seems to have a connection to his grandparents. We spent a lot of time eating good food. We didn’t make Charlie’s goal of going to In-n-out 36 times, but we did hit most of Jeff’s bay area food hit list and had some awesome food at the Shumway's. Everything from “Grandpa Food” which consists of a lot of squeezy cheese and summer sausage to awesome home made meals by Nedra. The kids spent lots of quality time reading Calvin and Hobbs with Grandpa and watching all kinds of YouTube videos, including nearly every road runner episode. Grandpa Shumway sure knows how to keep them entertained!

Nedra had them busy on puzzles and books and crafts. Hazel even got to sew something on her own, which put her over the moon. And of course, Jeff and John and Grandpa spent lots of time getting the Model A all spiffed up and ready to go for the wedding.

We had a fabulous rehearsal dinner at La Note the night before the wedding. It was delicious, and so great to have some time to celebrate the happy couple and get to know some of the wedding party.

The best part of the night was that Nedra arranged for our kids to be picked up by various babysitters and carted off to do fun things so that we could have a nice peaceful adult dinner. Everyone was so well cared for and so happy. The big kids went to dinner and to see the Smurfs with a fun newlywed couple from their ward. Emmeline and cousin Joss ate at Wendy’s and went home to watch a dvd with some good friends of Nedras. And little Peter spent the night with a young expecting couple who lived just down the road from the restaurant so that I could have the maximum amount of time away from that little sucker. The arrangements were pretty genius, I hope one day I’ll be a mother-in-law with that kind of foresight. The wedding day started with a big waffle breakfast, Shumway style. Grandpa Shumway collects old waffle irons and jumps at the chance to put them to use. We don’t mind one bit, and Hazel is always especially thrilled because waffles at the Shumway also means an abundance of bacon, and that girl loves her bacon. After breakfast we took at trip to Tilden Park and road the steam train. I love this Shumway tradition. My kids look forward to it on every trip out there. We had such a great time with the McFarlands. Oh, how I wish we lived closer. I love little Maddie, though, how can I call her little, she is taller than me! Hazel looks up to her big cousin so much. And Charlie certainly looks up to Will. Look at him in these pictures, trying to be all cool and big and legit. Jeff and the little kids were stuck in the back of the train, see Jeff poking his head through?

A trip to Tilden wouldn’t be complete without a few rides on the old, beautiful, real (they don’t make them like they used to) carousel. Isn’t that thing amazingly beautiful? Look at the detail.

Emmeline chose to ride on the dog. Good choice little girl. Wouldn’t you want to ride on a beautiful dog like that? I love this picture of Karen and Grandma Shumway. I wish I could remember what they were both looking at.And I love Em in this one. Her little hand grasping Jeff’s finger. She is a finger grabber. Never holds hand, just fingers. And she holds on for dear life when she’s a little nervous. And here’s Hazel with her beloved horse. Perfect fit for this little missy. And here is Peter. Yes. I laid him on the cement floor so that I could take pictures. He didn’t seem to mind one bit. And don’t you think the color of the cement make him look gorgeous? And this isn’t anyone we know. But, I loved it that this girl rode the carousel like that. That’s exactly what I feel like doing on a carousel. She is feeling every bit of it. I wish I knew who she was so I could send her mom this picture!

And on we went to the big event……(coming next post).

Do it yourself Halloween.

2011-11-03T21:58:00.001-04:00

We had a do-it-yourself Halloween this year. Now, your probably thinking I mean one of those Halloweens where the mother gets all crafty with Martha Stewart hand made decorations and tailored costumes for each child that perfectly fit their current obsessions. That’s not what I mean.

When I say we had a do-it-yourself Halloween I mean that the kids did it themselves. October has been a blur around here and when I realized how quickly Halloween was approaching and how many things I had on my plate I just sort of let Halloween come. I really didn’t do a thing. No fancy costumes, no fancy decorations. I bought three pumpkins and two bags of candy and dragged out the Halloween box from the basement. That’s it. The kids took over from there.

They put out the spooky snake wreath and smothered our dead mums with cotton cobwebs and fake spiders. They even cleaned and carved and decorated their own pumpkins without any supervision. I was sad not to do it as a family, but Halloween really crept up on us this year and boy that carving provided me with a whole afternoon of quiet time to get things done.

Charlie spent a whole day making his costume. He was a space squid. His costume consisted of his old astronaut suit from last year, a trader joes bag, a tomato box, some other cardboard from the recycle bin and all the scotch tape in the house. He looks a little more like some kind of space recycling activist or something. We got some funny looks out trick or treating, but he was pleased as punch with is creation. He went around the house singing, “Who you gonna call? SPACE SQUID!!!”Hazel dressed as Anne of Green Gables (with suspiciously brown hair). We recently listened to the book on tape and Hazel has found her bosom friend. She and Anne are the most kindred of sprits. So, she felt it was only natural to dress like her for Halloween. She knew exactly what she wanted to wear (this Sunday outfit that I bought her in London last year). I guess it does kind of look like something Anne Shirley would wear (before Mathew was so kind to get her her puffed sleeves). The fact that I never got around to finding some red hair dye and a straw hat didn’t seem to bother her one bit. She thought the dress would do the trick and everyone would know what she was going for. And it did. Most people didn’t ask who she was, but those kind souls who did responded with such recognition and delight when she revealed her identity that she wasn’t one bit self conscious about her costume. After being Rapunzel for the ward party, Emmeline resurrected Hazel’s old Lady Bug costume from the costume box. She knew she was the cutest lady bug around and strutted her stuff all over the neighborhood gathering candy.

It goes without saying that Peter was a little pumpkin eater (see picture down at the end)

After a dinner of black bean soup (thanks Saren for the nifty and easy peasy Halloween dinner idea) we met up with Hazel’s other bosom friend Penelope and went in search of candy. I love this little Penelope. She was so friendly and polite and talkative at every house (she probably should have been dressed like Anne!). She gave my kids just the push they needed to really get into Trick-or-Treating this year.

So, I feel a little bit lame that I was so hands off this year with Halloween. I could have at least helped Charlie find some better materials to make his costume. I could have spent some time finding a hat for Hazel. I could have researched some fun ways to carve our pumpkins. I could have helped them make our house all spooky and festive. Hazel would be over the moon if I had sat down with her to help her design her dream costume. She loves that kind of stuff. But, this year it just wasn’t in the cards. And you know what? I’m ok with that. Halloween was a hit. The kids had some serious ownership over the holiday and because I wasn’t stressed out of my mind trying to pull something elaborate off I was able to really enjoy it all creeping in.

One of these years I’ll delight my children and have a do it myself Halloween. I promise. But, I can’t promise I can improve on that space squid.

I left my harp in Sam Franks disco

2011-10-27T14:05:00.001-04:00

One of the highlights of our trip was seeing Aunt Chi Chi. She is, hands down, the greatest tour guide. She showed up SF in style. She helped us drink in all the things she loves about the city, which, happen to be all the things I’d love too. We’re kindred souls. She wrote up our time with her on her blog way better than I have time to do right now, so check it out here. But, just for the scrap book part of this blog sake, here are some pictures and my quick write up. We spent an afternoon with Emmeline and Peter driving through and hiking pt Reyes while Jeff and the big kids went fishing with Grandpa Shumway. We marveled together and the rustic, wild beauty of that place just miles from that big city. It was breath taking.

I wish I’d have taken a picture in front of Charity’s awesome house. It is such a cool house, I wanted to clear all her room mates out of there and move right in. It’s in a picture perfect neighborhood in south San Francisco. And this beach is just down the road. We drove through Golden Gate park to the Dalia gardens. We marveled in the unique popping beauty of each one. I think I have to join Charity in the Dalia fan club. My new favorite flower. We got some spectacular sandwiches at some place somewhere cool, maybe the mission, maybe not? That’s the beauty of having such a competent tour guide, I didn’t have to think or remember or worry about anything, I just enjoyed. It was pretty heavenly. We ate these yummy sandwiches at this park overlooking the city. It was quite a strenuous walk up the hill, but well worth it. We walked through union square and into china town. Charity told us all the reasons why SF china town tops all other china towns….and I think I was convinced. It was awesome. Even had a fortune cookie factory to visit. Peter ate his real first solid food there, a fortune cookie scrap. And then she took us to her secret roof top parking lot with this amazing view. It was windy up there and we all felt alive, surrounded by that busy city. I love the energy of cities.We ended the day at the beach overlooking the Golden Gate bridge with some more yummy charity recommended food. It was brisk and invigorating and beautiful.

Charity and Hazel have interconnected souls. They are so similar. They are both dripping with passion for life. And they love each other dearly. Char invited Hazel to spend the night at her place after our day in SF and boy did they ever have an adventure…..a bon fire on the beach with a bunch of Charity’s single friends and some long heart to hearts about boys and friends and life. Hazel feel so secure and confident when Charity’s around. I think she feels pretty awesome that we all tell her how alike she and Chich are because she can see so clearly how cool Chich is…..so it follows that she must be pretty cool herself. A strong dose of Charity is what Hazel needs regularly. Wish she lived closer. I love this sister-friend of mine. Being around her reminds me of a part of me that I forget about being all bottled up in motherhood. She reminds me that I have some serious spontaneity and love for life embedded in my soul. It makes me more committed to unearthing that part of me so that I can spread it onto my kids and weave it through my days. The next morning Peter and I went to pick up Hazel after her big sleep over and we dropped Charity off in the mission, saw some awesome street art and said big hugged teary good byes.

Go check out Charity’s write up. It’s awesome, as is her whole blog, and her whole life and her whole soul.

San Francisco!

2011-10-27T12:34:00.001-04:00

Right before school started we all packed up and headed out to San Francisco for Jeff’s brother John’s wedding. Since we were going so far (and the plane ride was going to look like this, regardless of how long we were going to stay) we decided to make a whole trip of it and stay nearly a full two weeks. It was awesome to be there long enough to soak in Jeff’s family, see Aunt Chichi and other friends and celebrate John and Clarissa getting married.

We spent the first half of the trip with two different sets of friends that both date back to before Jeff and I were even married. First we got to hang out with Anna and Ryan Halverson. Anna and I went to Wellesley together. We all lived in DC at the same time before Anna and Ryan got married. After we all got married and after me and Jeff’s 6 month honeymoon in the Philippines we met up with Ryan and Anna in Thailand. Oh, that was the adventure of a lifetime. We can’t wait for our next traveling adventure, but for now, we’re all hunkering down and raising children. We spent two nights at their place in Walnut creek. We ate awesome food, went for some cool hikes, Anna and I went running, we talked a lot about a lot and spent a day in San Francisco. It was so great to see where they live and get a feel for their life. And it made us want to live next door. I love old friends. We didn’t get many pictures of the hanging out at their house….but we got a ton on the day we went into SF on the Ferry from Oakland. The Ferry ride was a great adventure. The kids loved it and it was beautiful. I know this post isn’t about Charlie's hair, but I had to take some good pictures of that wild main since he was getting a presentable haircut for the wedding. We left Hazel at home with Grandma and Grandpa Shumway so that she could spend some quality time with them. We thought that Charlie would LOVE the Halverson boys and we were right. They totally hit it off. Once we got to San Francisco we drifted through the ferry building market place and ate fresh farm berries and tomatoes. Jeff got some fancy cheese at the cow girl creamery and we ate some fat burgers at G. We found a really cool fountain across from the Ferry Building and played under the waterfalls (not getting wet, amazingly) for a while. Peter just chilled like always in his car seat. Good little boy. Before heading back we soaked in the rare summer san Francisco sun and watched the sea lions at Pier 39 while waiting for the Ferry home. After the Ferry we took everyone for a spin in The Shumway Model A. It was a hit with those boys.

We finished off the day with some yummy dessert for dinner at Fentens. I love old friends. Next stop was a day out in Auburn with the Davis family. Geoff and Darcie served with us in the youth program of a Spanish congregation in DC when we were all still single. Geoff was YM president, Darcie YW president and Jeff and I were the 2nd counselors. Serving together is a good way to hook up I guess. We all saw the good sides of each other as we served, the side that doesn’t always come out at a party at Duck Beach. And now, here we all are, years later, raising kids.

Geoff and Darcie are awesome examples of deliberate parenting. They have created a vision for their family, for their kids and their working hard to bring it all to pass. I follow Darcie's blog and have loved seeing how their awesomeness is being slathered onto their three cute little girls. Seeing it all unfold in person though was pretty amazing. Those girls are dynamite. They are all solid individuals, so secure in who they are, and so different and so open and friendly and good and smart. Sadly Darcie wasn’t around the day we visited (she had to unexpectedly fly to Utah for family stuff) but I could see so clearly in different ways in each of her girls. And it was so great having a whole day to talk to Geoff and hear about how they are saving the world, first through raising stellar kids and next through all kinds of global efforts to reach the poorest of the poor. Being with them is nothing short of totally inspiring. I wish we lived next door.

We didn’t bring Charlie with us on this trip because we knew Hazel would drink in being around three new girl friends with no little brother around to pester. Plus, Charlie needed some serious Grandpa Shumway time.

Hazel had the time of her life, swimming, jumping on the tramp, picking blackberries, seeing their chickens and other pets, wondering in their farmy wonderland. I think she and Ceci are kindred spirits. I hope I an get my act together to help them keep in touch. Somehow we didn’t get nearly enough pictures of this day. I didn’t even get one of Tennie, but here is Adele with Emmeline. Those girls were so polite and engaging. When I wandered in the door, a little lost after arriving and having to quickly change Peter while Jeff took the kids in Tennie came down the stairs, walked right up to me and with a welcoming smile and a hand shake looked me right in the eyes and said, “Hi, I’m Tennie, you must be Saydi. I’m so happy to meet you.” Really? An 11 year old (or is she 12)? I was amazed and since then have been trying to figure out how to raise my daughters to be like these three girls.

stay tuned for sf part 2.

a reader.

2011-10-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

"To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark."

— Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

Over the summer Hazel turned into a real, bonafied reader. It makes me want to sing hallelujah! I want my kids to love reading. I want them to devour books. I want them to sneak them into their beds at night, bring them on vacation, try to read them at dinner, walk into street signs as they read while walking to school. I’m not sure where this obsession came from, maybe it’s that I wasn’t really a fanatic reader as a kid and I wish I had been. It’s not that I watched TV as a kid, I just didn’t devour books like Jeff did. There’s just something about raising a reader that is really important to me.

But, I have accepted the fact that I might get a kid who doesn’t naturally gravitate to reading. I might have a child who has some difficulty with it, or who’d rather be off with friends (like I was). And that’s ok. It really is, I know plenty of amazing people who don’t love to read.

I thought Hazel might be one of them. I tried to push her into reading pretty early, before she was really ready I think. And it didn’t seem to be coming naturally to her. We’d read through the “Teaching your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons” and both end up pretty frustrated with each other. She could tell that I wanted her to read more than anything and Hazel is not one to be coerced into anything.

It wasn’t until Jeff and I forbade her from reading that she got determined. I started “regretting” all the promises I had made to her, telling her NOT to get to the 25 book mark because I did NOT want to buy her that reading lamp I’d promised and I certainly did NOT want let her stay up late reading. She knew we were half kidding, but I think feeling the pressure lift gave her the freedom to do what her heart wanted to do: read.

Plus, I think she just got a little older and her brain was ready for it. And once it was ready and she had enough sight words under her belt, she just got it. And now, there is no turning back. This girl is a reader.

One night as I was putting her to bed she said, “mom, you know how I used to hate reading? well, now I love it so much, it’s like candy to me.” Ahhh! Music to my ears.

I asked her what brought around this shift. She said it was her friend Penelope who “inspired” her. She said she saw how much Penelope liked to read and decided she should give it a better chance. Bless that Penelope. The end of her bed is now exploding with books and she’s always begging to go to the library for new brain candy.

Jeff just started a reading challenge with her where they add little construction paper circles with titles of the books she’s read written on them to a little book worm that hopefully will creep its way around her room. She gets a quarter per book and then some big prize once she gets to one hundred. She’s hoping and begging that prize will be her first real pet. Jeff says we already have four little pets in this house.

So, if you have any suggestions about books to get this girl, let me know. I want to make sure all one hundred books don’t come from the fairy series or Junie B. Jones. Not that I have a real objection to those, I just want her to know good writing soon. There’s such a wealth of goodness in books that I can’t wait for her to discover. Send suggestions my way, please.

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. ~Charles W. Eliot

drinking in the present.

2011-10-06T13:35:00.001-04:00

I've had these pictures in my draft box for months. They were taken on a downpour day last summer. The kids couldn't help from running out into the sheets of warm water pouring down. I don't blame them. I love the rain, and I want them to love it too.

I haven't posted them mostly because I haven't had time, but also because I haven't been able to come up with the appropriate thing to write about the magic that happens when kids drag you into the present.

Today my friend Catherine put into words exactly what I'd write with these pictures if I had her writing talent. That girl sure knows how to capture life with words. Reading her blog is like coming up for air, somehow she puts everything into perspective. Her writing is real and beautiful and makes you think and feel and usually cry. She is one of my guiding lights through motherhood.

So look through these pictures. I know a lot of them are blurry, I meant to do that. I love the motion it captures. I love being drawn into the face of the one child that is in focus. I love the sheer determination to drink in the present on my kids faces.

Then, click through to Catherine's post to read some beautiful commentary about living in the present.

Here's a little part of what Catherine says:

The living moment is the most breathing, captivating, fleeting thing. It is magic. Emerson said we are always getting ready to live, but never living. Is he right?

Too often I choose blinders without thinking and like the work-horse, I am bent to the plow, the laundry basket, the floor, the sink. Sometimes I am too bent on getting us ready to live that I brush right past the living.

Go read the rest here. You'll love it.

I blame the chili

2011-10-05T22:25:00.001-04:00

They say that introducing solids is a baby’s first step towards weaning. What, weaning? Can’t be. I want him to stay just as he is. My baby.

Thankfully, Peter has been quite reluctant to eat from anything besides my “ba bas” (as they're known around here).

I’ve been trying to feed him solids, just because I feel it’s the good mom thing to do, but he wants none of it. We had a big ceremonial “first meal’ with the big kids on Peter’s 6 month birthday. We tried feeding him some apple sauce and avocado and boy did we all get a hoot watching his whole body shutter in disgust. Since then I’ve tried tons of different things. He puckers up his face at any flavor, sweet, salty, mild, strong, sour, hot, cold. He just hasn’t been too into food. The only thing he hasn’t clamped his lips tight against has been a bit of chicken noodle soup broth and some chocolate cake (oh yeah, and the ice cream).

While I’m starving all the time and run down trying to keep this little parasite nourished, I love nursing him. And, I love his clean face and clothes and hands. And I love his soft milky skin and sweet smelling poop. And I love that I don’t have to clean up and under a high chair.

But everything changed when I made chili the other night. Now, mind you, this was not some mild vegetarian chili. It was full spiced chili with leftover burnt ends BBQ from our Blue Ribbon BBQ date night. I’d tried him on avocado (again) as we sat the dinner table and he shuttered. Then I tried him on a squished chili bean. His eyes lit right up and he started lunging for my spoon. And that was it. Now he’s going for everything.

Jeff was beaming as he watched his little carnivore devour his chili. ‘That’s my boy!’

I was teary as I watched him, suddenly all big, lunging for the spoon. Gobbling at life.

Here we go Peter. You’re growing up.

singing beach chaos–will I long to go back?

2011-10-04T23:03:00.001-04:00

We’ve had Singing Beach up north in Manchester on our summer fun list for a few years in a row and this year we finally made it there. It’s a beautiful beach you can ride the train (commuter rail) to. The kids had never been on the commuter rail, so they were pretty excited. And, the fact that we went with some good friends made them positively wild with excitement. Really. Wild. For the moms it was a crazy whirlwind of a day with very few moments to sit and breath. I think that every single moment of the day at least one of the 10 kids that were with us was either in peril (huge waves at the beach, raised train platforms, fast cars whizzing by etc), disturbing the peace with wildness or needing something urgently. That gave Heidi, Erica and me very little time to relax and enjoy each other or the beauty of the beach. I think once we all gave up on that being part of the agenda we all had a pretty good day. And boy was it memorable. One of those days that you are just kind of happy you survived.

The kids didn’t notice all the chaos one bit. They were all blissfully in their own worlds, living it up with silliness, sand, food, friends, high adventure and moms who patiently (for the most part) navigated them through it all. Ahh, to be a kid. The train ride was wild and loud. As soon as we took our spots row after row of people started clearing out. By the end we almost had ourselves a private car. I don’t blame those people. We were making quite a ruckus.Just look at all that blurry commotion. Once we finally made it to the beach and got our stuff set up (oh, how your arms hurt after hauling all that and kids to a clear spot on the beach!) the kids went straight for the water. The first 10 minutes there was sheer madness…..huge waves and kids either totally freaking out in fear or freaking their moms out by their lack of fear. It just took a few kids getting swept under for a few seconds to help them all loose interest in the water and turn their energies towards the sand. Oh, sweet relief. Erica and Heidi watched my kids for a few minutes so that I could go get cooled off in the water (I was HOT as can be with all that work and worry). The ocean felt amazing. I love that buoyant feeling of the ocean – cold water swallowing up your heat, salt water on hot skin. For sixty full blessed seconds I laid on my back, floating, watching the sky, feeling the sun on my face. With my ears underwater I couldn’t even hear the wildness on the beach. It was glorious. Peter chilled in his little beach tent for most of the day. By the end of the day it was full of sand from all the sandy bodies who wanted to squeeze in there to keep him company. He didn’t seem to mind. I love this little guy, but babies add a whole other dimension of stress to the beach. I thank my lucky stars he’s so mellow, I’d be a wreck if he weren't. Oh wait, I am kind of a wreck. The older kids were happy as little clams. Charlie is always so into the beach that he forgets to ask me for any food and then has a melt down as we pack up to go because he’s low on blood sugar. Need to remember to make him eat next year. The big kids did their fare share of yelling at the little ones for messing up sand creations. Poor little ones just trying to join in the fun. Someone threw sand in Emmeline’s face. She spent a lot of the day looking like this, it didn’t seem to bother her one bit. Here is our attempt at getting a picture of this wild bunch. Oh, I love these pictures. One day I’m going to be one of those old ladies on the beach (like the one behind Heidi in the picture below) with my book and chair and umbrella looking longingly at children like this, shaking my head as I tell the frazzled moms that they’ll miss it all one day, that it will all be over in a second.

Those older women always look so happy, enjoying the peaceful beauty of the beach. The three of us will be there one day, together, we’ve planned it. I’m sure there will be parts of our hearts that will ache to reach back in time and kiss those sandy little hands that are always sneaking into the chip bag. I’m sure we’ll long to snuggle their sunscreen lathered bodies and swish them about in the waves. But, I’m also pretty sure we’re going to fully enjoy picking the most beautiful spot on the beach (rather than the one closest to the stairs), eating beach food without that sandy crunch, watching the waves as we get lost in conversation, falling asleep with the sun on our faces and an open book on our chests and walking away from the sea with only our love of the ocean calling out protests.

I hope then, and now, I can have the wisdom to live presently. To soak in everything given to me by each moment in time. To not waste time wishing for something different.

We stopped for ice cream on the way back to the train, which, as you can imagine, was messy. We made it to the platform long before the train arrived so I taught the kids some pretty sweet dance moves and we had a little dance party with music ‘blaring’ from my iPhone while we waited. I had to think of something to get that bunch from making us all crazy.

On the train ride home a group of very scantily clad girls (in their late teens I’d guess) were stuck right by our crazy crowd. They didn’t move, the train must have been too full. Instead they sat seemingly totally absorbed in themselves, putting on make up, fixing their hair, talking about boys. They were clearly on their way to go clubbing (am I totally dating myself with that expression?). I’m not sure that any of them acknowledged that we were there, right next to them. But, I’m certain they noticed us (it would have been impossible not to). We were loud, the boys were (literally) bouncing off the walls, Jo’s tooth fell out and she was bleeding and excited, Peter cried until I nursed him right there in front of them, Emmeline had a few full out tantrums. I’m sure that, even with their eyelash extensions, those girls saw us out of the corner of their eyes. And, I’m pretty sure we were an answer to their parent’s prayers. Not one of those girls was gonna go out and get pregnant after witnessing our glowing endorsement for what motherhood brings with it.

But, one day (hopefully not for a while), those girls will be in the thick of motherhood. And then, when it’s their own adventure, they’ll feel the thrill of loving a little person so much that you see past all the wildness and chaos to the beauty of guarding and guiding a life. They’ll realize that somehow, as hard as it is, it fills you.

It fills you so much that when you’re old and finally alone and at peace on the beach all you want to do is go back.

2nd generation friends.

2011-10-02T22:43:00.000-04:00

Every year my best friend from forever ago (since we were three actually) Amy comes up with her girls to the lake. She lives in London and we overlap in Utah for just a few days each year so we totally take advantage of them. She is like a 10th child in our family and has just about as many Bear Lake memories as we do.

These are some pretty sweet days. Her girls are all three angels, seriously. In their British accents, unprompted, they say things like “Saydi, thank you for this lovely dinner.” They are kind to each other and just melt into the mix of kids. I love them almost as much as I love my own kids. And they all have such different sparks of Amy in them that they bring me back to my childhood days with her. Ahh, it’s heaven. Charlie has a crush on Mila, her youngest (the one on the end here). She walks around protesting that “Charlie bit her finger” in her perfect accent which perplexes Charlie a bit even though he has seen the YouTube video. We’re already planning their wedding. (She doesn’t look to happy about him below).These kids got along so beautifully. They were all (despite the age span) engaged in some pretend play for a good solid 4 hour chunk. No one asked us for anything they were all so busy doing who knows what. I love it when that kind of kid magic happens.

I love friendships that extend through the next generation. I just wish they didn’t live so darn far away.

I wish I had snapped a picture of me and Amy. I guess you can see enough of us in our children.

Stuff

2011-09-30T22:30:00.001-04:00

A little intermission from all my summer catch up just to say two things:

1. I have two slots left for full photo shoots this fall before I close up business for the holidays. If you want one, let me know soon. If you’d like more information on my prices and the particulars, check out my photography blog here.

2. If you’re feeling a bit like you need to recharge your mom batteries, get in some relaxation, have a minute of peace so you can start thinking straight again you should consider coming to the New England Power of Mom’s retreat on October 21st and 22nd (or if it’s too hard to get away you can just come to one of those days). I think the early bird pricing ends sometime this weekend, so now is the time to sign up if you’ve been considering it. This will be my 5th retreat like this and I am psyched. Last year I presented at the New England retreat and learned so much from all the amazing women there. It’s going to be small and intimate and already some pretty stellar people have sighed up.

I’m starving for a little time to reflect and focus and get my bearings straight. The last six months have felt like a whirl wind and it seems like each day I notice a few more things that have been knocked loose in my head and my heart and my soul. I’m hoping two days away from kids, surrounded by New England fall in a beautiful house that I don’t have to worry about cleaning, connecting with other moms who are taking their jobs seriously will give me just what I need to put some thing back into place.

For more information on the retreat click here.

And that’s it. I’m going to veg out and breath a big sigh of relief that it’s the weekend. It’s been quite a week.

freedom trail part 3

2011-09-29T23:07:00.001-04:00

We did part 3 of the Freedom Trail with some good friends. It was a hot day, but we didn’t have too much to see. I made up another scavenger hunt and we used this guide a bit to give us some interesting facts and things to talk about and look for. It cracked me up how into the hunt they were (especially the challenge I gave them to find the letters in their name in architectural details). They were so into it that I’m not sure how much history they actually soaked in.

We had a great day though. Started by walking through Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market. We took a peak into the big meeting hall, walked down cobble stone and saw the cricket weather vain up top. We walked through the bricked streets of the North End to Paul Revere’s house. Did you know that Paul Revere had 16 children? Did you know that his house is the oldest house still standing in Boston? And that in addition to a messenger and silver smith he was a dentist who wired false teeth in for people made out of hippopotamus teeth? I love the things you learn with your kids. We sat in the pews of the Old North Church and admired the steeple where the famous lanterns were hung. And then we ate some Pizza and found some spray fountains. I love this picture above, all shoes and clothing ditched to run gleefully in the fountain. I wish you could see the way the fountain sprayed and the kids moved. Heidi said it was like a dance. Great way to end the day.

I just had to put this picture of Emmeline here at the end. Such a trooper, not understanding much of what’s going on, but still up for being dragged along with out (too much) complaining.

Part four (Charlestown, Bunker Hill and the USS constitution) may have to wait for a while. Maybe as a celebration once we finish Jonny Tremain (it’s taking us an awfully long time to get through that book!)

freedom trail part one and two

2011-09-28T21:42:00.001-04:00

Just in case we aren’t in Boston forever I decided to really study the Revolutionary War with my kids this summer. I love brushing up on my own knowledge of history as my kids discover it for the first time. I totally remember my mom drooling over my text books when I was in Jr High, begging to study with me so that she could remember all the things that she once learned. I feel the same way now. I can’t get enough of it. I just wish we had more time, and I’m thankful I took advantage of a few lazy summer days to really soak in this great historical place where we live.

We started by reading a bunch of little books this summer about the Revolution from the Bear Lake library. All the books we read growing up have now retired to Bear Lake. This is one of my favorite things about the lake – shelves of books, and big open days of time to read them.

We also started reading Jonny Tremain (and we’re still reading it). It’s good, really good. I’d say 75% of it goes over Charlie and Hazel’s heads, but they’re somehow still super into it and are loving the story. I love how fiction and facts are all woven together to tell such a compelling story and teach history all at once. It really made our adventures on the freedom trail come alive as I pointed out the Boston wharfs where Jonny lived, the common where he learned to ride his horse, the church where he attended meetings and rang church bells. It’s also full of great characters and has spurred all kinds of bed time conversations. It’s making me realize how powerful stories can be in teaching kids real lessons that they’ll remember.

I broke up the freedom trail into 4 days (we haven’t done the forth day yet). It’s way too long for us all to do happily together in one day. I didn’t break it up chronologically or anything like that, just by convenience. The first day we went out to Lexington and Concord. We saw the minute man path, the old north bridge, the Paul Revere capture site and visited the Concord Museum. We also stopped at Louisa May Alcott's house and the little school of transcendentalism because I just couldn’t resist and we were hungry and were told that they sold shortbread at the gift shop. I love that place. This is the only picture we got that day.

Day two we spent following the freedom trail through parts of downtown Boston. I love Boston with all my heart. It is such an incredible city. I wish we could go in every week, there is just so much history and energy and beauty there.

We lucked out and picked a beautifully cool and dry summer day. I made a little treasure hunt for the kids (looking for random little landmarks and statues kept them surprisingly engaged) and we followed that little red brick line to the site of the Boston Massacre, the Old State House where the declaration of independence was first read in Boston, the Old South Meeting house, the cemetery where Paul Revere and a lot of other Sons of Liberty were buried and the old corner bookstore.

At the Old State House we met this red coat. He was super into his character and kept acting all confused when tourist asked him to take pictures with him, saying in his British accent “is that a custom of yours? What is this “picture?” He somehow engaged me a in way too long and in depth of a discussion about why the British were treated unfairly in Boston and how John Hancock and other businessmen were committing treason and embezzling goods to make their fortune at the expense of the colonists. I can’t keep everything straight as it is, let alone trying to debate with a man who thinks he lives in 1768. I couldn’t keep track of what had or had not happened then. This is the site of the first public school. Hazel and Charlie thought it was pretty cool. We made our way through the common, towards Beacon Hill to see the State House and then into the public gardens where, of course, we had to ride the little Mallard family of ducks. I love those colors. Hazel’s always willing to pose. Emmeline mostly wanted to pull or push the stroller.Peter slept and then just looked at me as I wheeled him around in the stroller. He was perfect (as usual). I got all kinds of comments and looks as we walked through the city. I guess I am kind of a spectacle with my crew. Every time I passed a clean reflecting window I also did a double take. Wow, that’s a lot of kids! Who is that crazy mom, I’d think to myself. No wonder I feel like I’m dragging around a piano most days as I try to get things accomplished!

But it sure is a glorious ‘piano’ that I drag. They are just little sponges soaking in their world. I love it. At trinity Church.We ended the day at Jeff’s work to ‘pick him up.’ The kids always love going to see daddy at work. I always feel like we are quite a spectacle, walking into that quiet office with such a noisy bunch. People are so kind to us, and the kids get to write on Jeff’s white board and drink spicy sodas. That was probably the highlight of the whole day for them.

I have to say it was a great day, one of those days where you feel like the mom you always thought you were going to be. Most of the time I don’t quite get there, in fact, I’m pretty dang far from my ideal on most days, but I got there that day in Boston, and I even was present enough to enjoy it all.

It was pretty magical.

potty party day

2011-09-26T22:00:00.001-04:00

I think potty training may be one of the hardest parts of mothering. At least potty training Emmeline sure has been.

I’ll spare you all the nasty details, but suffice it to say, it’s been a year in the making. I tried a three day boot camp a full year ago and we’ve been back and forth (but mostly back) since then.

I keep thinking I’ll be buying my last box of diapers for her, but then life gets too crazy and cleaning up ‘accidents’ just doesn’t make the cut.

Last week, despite my piling up list of ‘to dos’ I decided enough was enough. I couldn't keep letting all these other demands superseded Emmeline’s need to move past this milestone. She was ready, and probably has been for a while, and I keep confusing the poor girl by flipping back and forth. It’s just so darn convenient to tell your little toddler to just pee in her diaper rather than stopping the car to go and find a potty.

Anyway, I put it in the calendar today. And, after getting some good advice from a good friends mom who used a one day method with all her kids, I decided to give it a try.

I’m not sure we’re out of the woods, but here are the stats for the day:

hours spent focusing totally on emmeline = 12

emmeline sized diapers thrown away = all that we had in the house

pee pee in the potty = 8

poop in the potty = 1

little half accidents = 1

puddles on the floor = 1

books about potties read = 3

glasses of apple juice = 10

baby doll potty trained = 1

outings without accidents = 2

matching games = 2

emmeline rolling her eyes at me = 3

dresses tucked into undies = 5

happy little big kid = 1

After dinner we had a big potty party celebration where Emmeline was crowned the Potty Queen (or the Queen of Poop as the kids liked to call her). We decorated the dining room with toilet paper and ate chocolate cake and drank lemonade. Charlie made up a song about what those two represent --we had to ask him over and over again not to sing it at the table.

Who knows if it worked. Only time will tell. But, I’m not going back. We may still have a long road ahead of us in, but I’m gonna press forward.

She did pretty well today, and I really enjoyed my little Emmeline. She is amazingly endearing when it’s just me and her. Such a funny girl.

As I tucked everyone in I looked around, and in my head revisited my unrealistic to do list for the week that I made last night. I didn’t get anything on that list done. But, look at those stats up there. I accomplished a lot today. I’ve (hopefully) got Emmeline on her way to a lifelong career of peeing and pooping in the potty.

That’s pretty huge.

older.

2011-09-20T22:27:00.001-04:00

In August I turned 36, I think…..Hazel keeps track of these things for me.

I had a great birthday. Anyone who knows me knows that birthdays are tricky for me. I have high expectations. But, I didn’t for this one, not one bit, and it was a really great day.

Jeff stayed home and my friend Heidi came over and we worked hard for hours and hours to try to remedy this situation:

Yep! That’s Peter’s crib lovingly placed in a corner of our scary basement, between appliance boxes, paint cans and food storage. We ran out of space upstairs, so once we got back from Bear Lake Peter spent a few weeks sleeping in the basement. Poor little fourth child. Do you like the plastic lawn chair covered in an old blanket that I used for a nursing chair?

I think before I had children, or maybe just before I had numerous children, I thought it was pretty important that a babies room look like this:

I guess I’ve come (or maybe slid) a long way since then. He was safe down there, and we could hear him clear as day through the monitor, but going downstairs in the middle of the night to help him out and then climbing back up two flights of stairs was kind of driving me nutty. I was really going kind of stir crazy. Our house felt unsettled to me, unorganized, too packed. Jeff told me I was being a little compulsive, and maybe I was, but I wanted to get things rearranged before we left to California, before the kids started school, before I went crazy.

So, I used my birthday leverage to get the project going. And with the serious help of my dear friend Heidi, we kicked off a giant rearranging on my birthday, moving Charlie and Hazel into the big TV/guest room, moving Peter into Emmeline’s room, moving Emmeline into the big kids room and moving the couch and TV into the basement. Jeff wasn’t planning to work from home, but once he saw me and Heidi trying to get that huge couch down the stairs he got roped into staying to help. He’d work for a while, take some calls and then come and help us move stuff during his breaks. It took some serious doing, moving that darned couch was way harder than we thought and we somehow kicked up enough dust to give me and Heidi a serious allergy attack, but we got so much done and I felt so much better. It was really the best birthday present I could have asked for.

In the afternoon Heidi and I took the kids up into the Fells to float some birthday cup cakes (which somehow between moving all my stuff and watching all my kids she managed to make and decorate for me). We floated them down the Shilly Shally Brook and it was perfectly beautiful. For those of you who are wondering what in the what this is all about, I have a birthday tradition to float my cake….one of these days I’m going to blog about all the crazy ways we’ve floated my cake over the years.

This year we got sand buckets (since I forgot to bring my Ikea bowls) and plastic Frisbees to float the little cakes down this little babbling brook. There have been some great floats, but this was maybe the most charming. The kids had a pretty great time too. We even got the little cakes to float under the path and out the other side.

Hazel ‘videoed’ the actual happy birthday cup cake, all lit up as it floated to the kids singing Happy Birthday, but somehow she forgot to hit record. This float was more successful anyway…..

I thank my lucky stars for a friend like Heidi. She always makes sure I have a good birthday, and this year she really outdid herself, really, dedicated the whole day to me and my needs. I want to be a friend like Heidi.

That night we went to Shakespeare in the Park and ate my favorite pizza from Figs. It was perfect.

The next day we did our family cake float. This was something Jeff and the kids had been planning for a whole year. The Shilly Shally Brook float was charming, this one was, hmmm, powerful? Mechanical? Exciting? Awesome (if you ask Charlie). It did kind of rock compared to some pretty lame floats in the past.

Jeff had decided that just wading in the water and pushing a cake along on a little floaty (like we do most years) just wasn’t adequate, so one of ‘my’ birthday presents was a remote control boat. The kids had worked with Jeff to pick it out. They thought that the Police boat was most appropriate pick for me (and, according to Consumer Reports the most powerful). You can tell someone is pretty excited about it.

Everyone got to take a turn driving it around that beautiful pond. Emmeline was mostly interested in having it drive through her legs. And playing with Peter. And bonding with Aunt Kieko who was up for a visit. They were fast friends, and that’s saying a lot for Ms. Grumpy Emmeline. I was mostly excited about sitting and soaking in my family. I wasn’t in charge of anything and that was nice. Jeff brought me a beach chair and I sat and tried to be present for once (though it was awfully hot). And of course, I took pictures. I feel like I’m juggling so many logistics all the time now with four that I rarely get out my big camera and capture my kids. So I jumped at the chance.

There we are. That’s us. It’s always kind of a shock to see me and Jeff in a picture surrounded by so many kids. This is really our life. We’re negotiating all these little people through life. It’s hard but man, it’s a good life.

Where will the birthday cake float go from here? Jeff’s already talking about newer, better, faster, more powerful boats and barges…..

9 years and a new favorite salad

2011-09-18T16:28:00.001-04:00

Jeff and I celebrated our nine year anniversary. but it was a week late. on the actual day we were packing up for our trip out to CA from Jeff’s brother’s wedding. Jeff went to sleep on the couch in the basement because there was so much stuff on our bed and I stayed up late getting things packed up and cleaned up. it was a little depressing and made me long for those early days when life was simple. but live also wasn’t nearly as rich. and, I didn’t love Jeff nearly as deeply as I do now, that love is pressed into me with the weight of all our shared experiences and work and challenges and joys.

once we got settled into our ten day stay in California we took advantage of Jeff’s parents and went out to celebrate. They treated us to a gondola ride on Lake Merritt in Oakland that they got with a groupon (I love those things!) and then we went out to dinner. The gondola ride totally exceeded my expectations, it was a beautiful authentic hand crafted boat (nothing like the only other gondola I’ve seen at the Venetian), a calm twilight, a gondolier from Italy who sang really beautiful soft songs as he rowed us around the lake all light up with lights around the shore.

(That’s not us in the boat….)

And dinner was great, once we ( I ) decided on a restaurant (Jeff knows after nine years that he needs to just be patient with me as I agonize over that decision). I don’t know why that decision is so stressful for me. Probably because I love to eat really good food in a good ambiance and I don’t get to do it very often, and it totally bums me out when we end up at a crapy overpriced place. We ate at the Wood Tavern in Berkley and I ordered something I won’t ever forget, it was so good. You know those kinds of finds? Maybe it’s just a girl thing, or just a me thing, but there are a handful of restaurant experiences that get stamped in my memory forever they’re so good. I hate spending money on food, but when it’s excellent it’s totally worth the price tag.

It was a salad and I’ve tried to recreate it. I’ve made it every night this week. It doesn’t taste as delectable as it did that night, but it’s pretty close. Try it, you’ll like it.

Chopped Romaine Salad

chopped romaine (chop it up real small, like you’re going to put it on a taco)

cucumber (peeled, deseeded and chopped into 1/2 “ cubes or little crescents)

good crumbled feta cheese

fresh peas (though I used frozen thawed peas)

crushed toasted almonds (the real salad had hazelnuts, which were delicious, but I can’t sacrifice the time or money to hunt them down)

1/2 cup cooked quinoa

chopped mint (not too much, it’s strong)

Dressing (basil vinaigrette)

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 shallot, roughly chopped
1 clove garlic
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup roughly chopped basil leaves
1/3 cup seasoned rice wine vinegar
1/2 cup olive oil

blend all ingredients in a food processor, adding oil last in a slow stream.

The secret to this salad is getting everything chopped right, and dressed evenly. When you do that you get all those yummy flavors in every bite.

And, it tastes so summery and fresh.

And it looks so green and healthy.

And it reminds me of my 9th anniversary with Jeff who I love deeply, even if it will take him another 9 years to decide he likes this salad.

short trip to slc–summer wrap up

2011-09-16T22:06:00.000-04:00

After Bear Lake I got to spend about 36 hours in Salt Lake before heading back to Boston. There are so many people I would have loved to see while there, so many places from my childhood I’d like to revisit with my kids, so many cool things to see, so much Utah summer to soak in, so many good eating establishments I would have loved to visit, but alas, the time was too short.

I did get to sneak in a quick visit to my friend Catherine’s house. Cath and I went to Israel together and I have loved her since the moment I met her. And, I have to say, I grow to love her more and more after reading each of her blog entries. She is an dedicated, deliberate mother, a good friend, a stellar person and an amazing writer. It was so great to see her life in all dimensions rather than just on the blog. It is even more beautiful than it appears on her blog!

She sent her girls out with Hazel to make these garden cupcakes while we talked about books and mothering and children and life. It was heaven. I just wish she lived next door.

Before we left Hazel snapped this picture of us. I love pictures taken by my kids. They so capture what my life is like right now, from their little perspective.

While in Salt Lake I also got to squeeze in some time to see a bunch of my girl friends from Israel and High School. It reminded me how blessed I’ve been with amazingly good friends in so many eras of my life. I wish I could tailor make a little community to live in where they were all my neighbors.

And last, I got to help my mom and dad celebrate their 42nd anniversary. Aren’t they cute? My dad had just had shoulder surgery, and my mom was killing herself to take care of them, but look at their faces….they look as if they don’t have a care in the world. I love those two.

summer wrap up

2011-09-15T23:09:00.000-04:00

It’s about time I wrap up the summer (though from the pile of drafts in my box it looks as if it might still take some serious time). Hopefully, now that school is in full force and Emmeline is actually gone a few mornings a week I can have a bit of uninterrupted time to post pictures from summer adventures that got swept aside with all the business.

Summer was wonderful, it was also incredibly busy. I wish I could have had a little more time to sit and anticipate and reflect. As it was, one fun thing after another, it was hard to drink everything in and appreciate. I’m hoping that blogging about all these events will help me glean a little more joy from them, since living through them was kind of a blur.

At the beginning of the summer we were ambitious (to put it mildly). We made our lists, goals for what we wanted to do individually and together as a family. As you can see, we didn’t really make it through a lot of what we hoped to do, and it was still packed. I kind of have a feeling I’m rubbing off on my kids….super ambitious, but unable to discern what is really doable in a given amount of time. I guess we’re all learning together. My kids did do a little better than it appears on these charts, we’re all just super lazy about checking things off.

So, I’m going to try to post one summer adventure a day until I’m through them all. I want to live in the present more and blog in the present more.

6 months today

2011-09-15T11:18:00.001-04:00

I unwrapped Peter yesterday from his napping swaddle to rush him off to pick up the kids from school. He stretched and I choked up when I noticed that there was only a tiny trace left of his newborn sleepy scrunched up hands over the head stretch. He still wriggled in his sleepiness and took a minute to open his eyes, but before I knew it he was awake with those big eyes searching me, inquisitive, aware, alert, alive.

He’s growing up. About ten times a day I simultaneously think: “There is no way this can be the end of babyness for me….I love this so much” and “This has to be the end, I am stretched to my limit.” I find myself wishing with all my might for some kind of contraption that would allow me to capture this part of my motherhood before it's gone. Sure, there are pictures, and videos and thank goodness for the iPhone but none of those things come close to bottling up what I want to remember. I think I’ll look back at pictures and watch my iPhone videos and my heart will scream to reach in and grab him. To smell the crease in his neck, to squeeze his chubby thighs, to pull him tight into my arms, to blow kisses into his mouth and rub noses with him. I’ll long to engage with him, get sucked into our ‘conversations’ and gazes. To find something new that will make him chuckle, or wonder, or study or sigh.

Can’t apple come up with something like that? Some way to record smells and touch and emotions and joy and love and interactions? I’m pretty sure we’re never going to get that technologically advanced, the present if fleeting and I think God designed it that way. I think He wants me to learn how to live in the moment without worrying about how I’m going to miss it so much. So, I’m trying to be still, to look into Peter’s eyes, let his baby perfection fill me before it’s gone.

Last night as I nursed him to sleep, in the stillness of his dark room and between sucks he sighed over and over again. As content as could be. I love how simple it is to make babies happy.

I drank him in in the darkness. I felt a blissful moment of true joy with no worry about it fleeting. And even though I can never experience that moment again, it changed a part of the fabric of my soul. I was there, all of me was present and it etched itself into me, forever, and surely that’s better than anything Steve Jobs can come up with.

it’s not easy being cool.

2011-09-13T22:36:00.000-04:00

Charlie has always been a poser : Charlie is kind of a poser. He’s confident. Self assured. Comfy in his own skin. He kind of just came that way. Check out Elvis here and superman here and cool dude Charlie guy here.
We’re trying to figure out ways to teach him to wield his awesomeness for good. Yes, we want him to be cool and confident, but mostly we want him to be good and kind. We want to teach him to be a leader for the right, to watch out for the underdog.
So far, I’m not sure we’ve figured out how to do that.   It probably doesn’t help that I bought him a t-shirt that says “it’s not easy being cool” in Spanish, seems like a surefire way to plant him on the path to becoming a cocky frat boy. (It was only $2 at the children’s place and we’re trying to teach our kids more Spanish). When Jeff tried to translate the shirt for him he was very confused. Here’s how the conversation went:
C: What do all these words mean on my shirt?
J: (translating word for word) “No is easy to be cool.”
C: I don’t get it.
J: Well it’s saying “it’s not easy being cool”
C: I still don’t get it.
J: You know, it’s saying that it’s not always easy to be a cool dude.
C: (exacerbated) Dad, I don’t get it! It IS easy being cool.

Then, the other day I overheard Charlie talking to a younger friend.   Here’s the conversation:
C: Do you know how to ride a bike without training wheels?
F: No.
C: Do you know how to ride a bike with training wheels?
F: No.
C: Do you even know what a bike is?
Charlie is cool, no doubt, and he’s pretty confident. And mostly he is kind and good and chooses the right. Having a baby brother has especially drawn out his sweet, protective side. But how do we make sure he heads down the right path and doesn’t turn into what Jeff calls a “frat boy”?
I thank my lucky stars that he has so many uncles and uncles in law (9 to be exact) who are paving the way. They are all confident and kind, successful and smart and good. Plus he has two pretty incredible grandpas and one remarkable dad. That’s all got to count for a lot.
So, this is what is on my mind lately. Boys are hard to raise and boy does the world need good boys.
Any ideas? Anything that has worked for you?

emmeline heads off to school

2011-09-13T10:00:00.000-04:00

This girl has been dropping off the “big kids” at the Rockland for two years and now it’s finally her turn.
Do you think she’s happy about it?
I really struggled to decide if I should send her or not, she’s still so little. But, this summer when she was going through a pretty rotten stage and when the Rockland director offered to do a little barter with me and have me photograph events for her this year in exchange for help with her tuition I decided that preschool would be a good thing for me and miss Emmeline. A little distance is a good thing when your child is 2.9.
I’m hoping next year to find a good Joy School group for her. But for now I’m going to enjoy a little break, get a little bit done and soak her in the other three mornings she’s with me.
We went to her little orientation last Tuesday. She was a little hesitant and pretty glad that I was staying with her. We saw her cute little class room, met some classmates and her teacher and played with some toys. On the way home she told me, “Mom, you came with me today. Then, Daddy will come with me on Thursday?” When I explained that Daddy had to work and she’d go in by herself like Hazel and Charlie had done she seemed a little dubious. But, when the time came to go back on Thursday we packed up her little lunch box, she posed on the porch, we drove to the Rockland and then, she surprised me. She hopped out of the car, held Mrs. Melendez’ hand and marched right in without looking back.
She came home with glowing reports and can’t wait to go again this week.
Hope that attitude holds.
We’re all kind of in love with this little girl right now. I think she’s turned a corner since we’ve been home from Bear Lake.
We’re all crossing our fingers she won’t want to go back around that corner!

Hazel is SEVEN!?!

2011-09-12T13:02:00.001-04:00

SEVEN? Seriously? I can’t believe I have a seven year old. Sometimes I feel like it’s been a blink, other times I can’t even remember what life was like before Hazel came along. These past 7 years, Hazel’s whole little life, has been a long and glorious journey for both of us, well, for all of us.

We had a great birthday. She said it was the best day of her life (she has a lot of best days). We had Jackson Soufflé for breakfast and bacon, of course. Then we hustled off to Charlie’s first soccer game of the season. Charlie had been telling Hazel for days that she had to come to his game because he was going to be dedicating his playing to her as one of her birthday presents. I’m sure that was ‘thrilling’ for Hazel, but she was a good sport about it. Showing off her gappy smile!

After the soccer game we opened some presents. I didn’t get a picture of these, but they were a hit. She was so excited about every single one and so cute to gush with gratitude and enthusiasm as we all gave her our gifts. She mostly got cheap little “activities” which she’s totally into. A crocheting kit from me, a needle point kit from Peter, a science experiment kit from dad, a little crafty kit from Emmeline. Probably the biggest hit was the Illustory kit from Grammie and Grandfather and the Storycubes from Charlie. This girl is super into writing and story telling right now. I have to say, I’m excited about all the gifts too. They were inexpensive, absolutely thrilling to Hazel and will keep her from whining to me about being board for quite some time (I hope!).

We ate Pot Stickers for lunch (again, at Hazel’s request, she was very into what we would eat on her big day). Then we packed everyone up and dropped of Peter and Emmeline with some friends and headed off for our big kid only birthday surprise: a Whale Watch. It’s Hazel’s odd year birthday which means she doesn’t have a friend party, just some fun with the family. We got an awesome deal on a Whale watch and Hazel has been dying to go for quite a while. They were both pleased as punch when we showed up on the wharf and announced what we were doing. And, it was just the adventure I was hoping for. The kids had a great time. It was a little cold and quite windy and pretty darn long (four hours on a rocky, cold, windy boat seems like a long long time). But we got to see Whales for crying out loud. Real whales, pretty close to us.

The ride out was quite an adventure in and of itself. The boat went so fast and we had so much wind in our faces, whipping through our hair. We all felt alive. Look at that awesome hair! This is looking down where the boat hits the water. Hazel and Charlie stood in probably the windiest place on the boat. They jumped with the waves and laughed and talked. I took this picture right after my lens cap got ripped out of my hand by the wind. That kind of wind is so invigorating. It wakes up all your senses. And the day was beautiful. 50 different shades of blue all around. Sparkling waters. Crisp fall air. Endless horizon. Rainbows in the spray. Water all around. We all just gulped it down. Once we got out to the natural whale feeding grounds (a part of Boston bay that is shallower than the rest where Whales come to feed during the summer months) we started looking for signs of humpbacks. At first we just saw little sprays in the distance. We’d follow them but once we got close the whale had disappeared to dive down deep, only to pop up and spray in another location further away. We chased them for a while, feeling a little anxious and frustrated (it was crowded and the kids couldn’t really see around all the people). At one point everyone including Jeff, but excluding me and the kids, saw a huge tail flipping up and diving back down right next to the boat. The kids were kind of sad (and Charlie pretty mad) that they couldn’t see it. I was praying that my little birthday girl would see something to make the trip great for her and sure enough, just before it was time to head back to Boston we found two whales fishing pretty darn close to us. They came up and down together almost as if they were doing a synchronized swim.

It was pretty spectacular and we had just happened to choose the side of the boat where all of us could get a really good look. I breathed a big sigh of relief as I watched my kids faces fill up with wonder. It was pretty awesome.

As we headed back to Boston harbor Hazel and I sat inside trying to warm up and I told her the story of her birth. I think since we had time and since she was interested I told her more details than I ever had before. She was captivated by the story, lighting up with the details, especially the parts where I told her how excited I was to meet her and how beautiful she was. I told her how thankful I was that Heavenly Father sent her first. I told her about how her birthday is always extra special for me because it also marks a big milestone for me since it was the day I was born too, as a mom. I think she liked this idea. She cracked up when I said something about how she probably was born so fast because her curious little soul wanted to get out of my womb and check out the world. She thought womb was a pretty funny word for the inside of my belly.

I think moments like that, inside that crowded boat cabin, with time on my hands and just my little Hazel cozied up to my side to get warm are the moments I longed for in motherhood before I had children. It felt real and present. I felt like we were in a little bubble of love, protected, connected, seeing each other. I need to strive for more moments like that. They are why I wanted to be a mom. Hazel gladly obliged to a little birthday photo shoot on the boat. The light was so beautiful as we headed back into the harbor. We got home and rushed to rescue our friends from Peter and Emmeline (we’re so glad we didn’t have to take them with us….that would have been a totally different experience!). We had some brownie/cake and candles and headed off to bed. We were tuckered out, filled with the wonderful exhaustion that only comes from after a day full of natural outdoor adventure. I love that feeling, how playing with nature fills you and empties you all at once.

As I tucked Hazel in I said my birthday prayer for her. Charlie was squawking in the background and Hazel was so tried she nearly feel asleep, but I think more than anything those birthday prayers are for me. My heart just gushes with gratitude and love for my children as I pray for them, as I think about what they need in the coming year, as I thank my Heavenly Father for all that they are and as he gives me a glimpse of who they are to become. Motherhood feels right, exactly as I dreamed it would be, when I take a minute to pray for and with my kids. I am reminded of who they are and who I am and what our relationship is. It’s humbling to remember that I’m just a steward over their little souls, and Jeff and I have been given the huge task of guiding them, nurturing them, helping them to be the strong souls that they are. And, that they are teaching me as much as I am teaching them. Especially this little lady.

Seven things I love about Hazel right now:

1. She feels life deeply. She experiences the highs and the lows deep down. And she’s not afraid.

2. She is still, hands down, the most helpful sister I could ever dream up. She is always so willing to help her siblings. I am certain she is better at mothering Emmeline than I am. And she always seems so happy to do it (well, almost always).

3. She is smart. Yes, she’s a big time reader now, and she’s a whiz at math, but most of all she’s emotionally smart. She gets how to read people and situations and knows how she needs to behave, not that she always does behave in right way, but she can recognize what it is she should be doing…and she tries her best to do it most of the time. I think that’s pretty huge. She was especially awesome on her birthday, totally looking out for everyone, making sure everyone was happy, holding it all together. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to see that spark within her because a lot of times it gets a little buried.

4. She has a wicked sense of humor. I love watching movies with her, she laughs out loud and the quirkiest things. She always gets when Jeff is being sarcastic and she says pretty darn funny things.

5. She has a caring little soul. She’s always defending the underdog, especially when it’s one of her siblings and they need protection from their mean mama.

6. She is honest. Hazel has still never ever told me a lie.

7. She is forgiving, and thank goodness for that. If she wasn’t so forgiving I think our relationship might be on the road to ruin. She certainly knows when I’m not being the mom I need to be. She tells me that, I apologize and she freely forgives. Every single time. I love her for that.

I love you my little Haze. Thanks for guiding me through motherhood these past 7 years.

kindergarten boys

2011-09-12T11:06:00.000-04:00

Wowzers, time flies. . It seems like it was just a blink and these boys went from little babies to kindergarten buddies.

I love it that Charlie has a friend that he ‘knew’ in utero. I love it that these boys are like brothers. I love it that they’re in the same kindergarten class (not sure if their teacher loves it….but I think they behave most of the time). Here they are just as they were headed down those stairs and into kindergarten on that rainy first day of school. There’s just nothing like having a buddy to do scary things with. And here they are as they came out. All grown up after just one day. there’s still a long road of adventures ahead for these two.