it’s always ourselves we find in the sea.

I think enough time has passed and I can venture to record our Valentines Day adventure (or disaster, depending on how Pollyanna you are) without stirring up too much anxiety.

It starts with this car and it ends with the sea.

We decided that the way to get around and see stuff while we’re here was to buy an older but decent used car to use and then sell it at the end of our adventure.  After a lot of searching and hassle (it’s hard to buy a used car when you don’t have a car to get you around to see cars) we found this awesome Kia Sedona mini van.  It had low mileage, test drove well and seemed like a good deal so we went for it.  I drove it with trepidation to Emmeline’s school and back the first few days we had it and, aside from being tricky to drive on the opposite side of the road, it was great.  Then, on the first Saturday we had it we all loaded up, excited for our first family adventure out into the countryside and it didn’t start.  It had been cold, so we figured the battery had just died.  So we borrowed cables and called on neighbors and tried to jump it.  Still no dice.  So, we called off our Saturday adventure and invited some friends over to keep us company while AAA came to tow it away.  Turns out the alternator was bad, so we took it into the garage and had it repaired. 

Then comes Valentines Day.  Amy’s girls were out of school for the week so we researched to find the warmest spot in England and planed a little road trip down south to the beach in Bournemouth.  Three moms, 10 kids, three cars.  I picked up my car from the garage, it started like a charm with a shiny new (and expensive) alternator.  I headed out on the freeway for the first time to meet up with Amy and her friend.  I was sweating bullets as I tried to navigate with everything seeming backwards.  After getting off at the wrong exit on various round-abouts and going too far on the freeway in the wrong direction I finally made it to our meeting spot.  I put the car in park, chatted with Ames for a minute and then we were off. 

But not really.  When I tried to put my car into drive it just revved high like it was in neutral.  Muttering to myself that this could not be happening I turned off the car, turned it back on and put it into drive and it went, for a few yards then slipped again.  I turned it off and on again and it went again, no problem, until we were on the beltway, the huge M25 circular, going 60 mph and then suddenly I pushed the gas and there was no response.    Luckily there was a place I could pull over.  By this time our kids were irate!  Hazel was screaming, and I mean screaming, in the back seat about how much she hated our car.  Charlie was worried as could be.  Emmeline was mad as a horrent.  Peter was hungry for milk.  And somehow, miracle of miracles, I was calm as a cucumber.  I pulled over, called Jeff, called Amy, tried to calm down the kids and then waited.  When I told the kids that we probably weren’t going to make it to the beach they came undone.  (I didn’t think that they could get any worse, but they did).  All kinds of weeping and wailing and cursing at the car from the back seat until Amy very kindly offered to come and take Hazel and Charlie in her car.  The plan was that I would wait for the tow truck, try to get the car fixed (maybe it just needed transmission fluid?) and then head down to meet up with everyone.  Surely I’d be at the seaside by sunset. 

To make a long story short, I didn’t make it there by sunset.  A very nice roadside rescue guy took me and Peter and Em and that blasted car to a transmission place.  Emmeline loved driving in the big tow truck.  Once there, the mechanic drove the car around and around the block and couldn’t find anything wrong with it.  I was beginning to think that maybe I imagined it all until the mechanic checked the transmission fluid and saw that it was all black which he thought was a sure sign that the transmission was shot for good.  Seriously?  A brand new car?   Money down the drain.  I’ll spare you all the mechanical details….but suffice it to say, we determined the car to be unfit to take us down to the seaside. 

Car or no car, I felt the pull of the sea, I was determined to make it to Bournemouth (you know how I love the beach in the winter).  By this point I was sick and tired of this darn car getting in the way of us experiencing what we wanted to experience.  I looked into renting a car and then decided to take the train.  I loaded Peter on my back, consolidated our stuff into one rolly bag, grabbed Emmeline's little hand and asked the mechanic to please take us to the tube station.  We rode into Waterloo station and boarded a train that got us to Bournemouth around 10pm.  

I’m leaving out a lot of not so fun details, like the fact that somehow we boarded the “Quite” car and we were anything but quiet.  And the fact that through all the stress I kept forgetting to get food so the only thing we had to eat was some chocolate from our Valentines day breakfast, some Jaffa Cakes and some rolls that Amy had given us.  And the embarrassing admission that all the anxiety somehow put me into this weird place where I felt sure that I was doing the wrong thing, that somehow we were going to die on this journey, that that Valentines breakfast was going to be the last happy moment in our family history, that someone was going to crash or something was going to go wrong in a major way.  Totally irrational, I know but those thoughts were real and had me all tied up in knots by the time Amy picked me up at the train station.  Boy was she a sight for sore eyes.  She snapped me out of that irrational place and we went back to the funny hotel I had booked and met up with everyone else. 

I hugged my kids more fiercely that night than I have in a long time. 

Amy and Dana and I stayed up late in the hallway of our hotel talking (and laughing at the strange valentines day noises that were coming from the room next door).   They helped me to think myself around feeling horrible that we had thrown so much money down the drain on that dumb car and I went to bed exhausted but ok.  

Not my favorite Valentines day.   In fact, I think my very worst.

But, the next day nearly made up for it.  It was glorious.  One of those incredible winter beach days with magic hanging in the air all around.  It was warm, uncharacteristically warm.  It was free and bright and big and open.  It soothed my soul and quenched all my anxiety.

I’ll let the pictures tell the story here. 

We were the only ones crazy enough to think of going to the beach in February in England.  Look at those kids break up that perfect beach with their footprints running to the sea.  The beach makes kids happy.  It just does.  All that freedom and fresh air and beauty and treasures.  Seriously, isn’t every single face full of glee?We collected rocks and shells and buried our feet.  The kids built sand castles and buried each other.  Hazel begged for her swimming suit and when I said no she went in the water up to her thighs in her clothes.  It was warm and wonderful.  Did I say that already?Here the moms are.  Side note: I love these pictures snapped by kids.  It’s good to see the world from their perspective.  Our hotel was hysterical.  Doesn’t that room look like something out of a novel?  An orphanage perhaps?  We had three rooms, but this one was my favorite.  The best part of the Hotel was the manager who I’m certain thought we were polygamist wives at first.  When we assured him that we were not, he told us that he had never met any Mormons before and was amazed that we were so normal.  Normal?  Not sure if that’s the best word to describe these crazy kids.  Charlie was in heaven having a few boys around.  He’s been such a trooper playing with so many girls, but boy was he delighted to get some of that boy energy out with these kids.Here’s our room.  Hazel thought it was the best because it had purple stripes on the wall.  The stripes didn’t quite make up for the fact that the beds were horrid.  There were springs poking into my body all night….even after I tried padding the mattress with all the clothes and coats we had brought.  If there had been any room on the floor that would have been a more comfortable option.  We split up the kids and packed everyone in the car for the drive home.  On the way we stopped to see Salisbury Cathedral (an amazing old medieval cathedral with the tallest spire in England).  It was a beautiful.  This blue stained glass window (above) is part of Trinity Chapel.  There is a slap below it where people used to pray to be cured of their illnesses.  The blue window was designed to help us remember people who are in trouble or in need of healing.  You could light a candle there and say a prayer for someone who needs extra help.  Hazel and Charlie both decided they wanted to light a candle for their cousin Lucy.  Isn’t this reflecting font beautiful?And here are my kids tearing up the place.We spent a good chunk of time playing on the lawn of the Cathedral – well, the kids played, the moms sat on a bench and chatted.  Peter crawled in the mud.

We finished off the trip with a drive by Stonehenge.  It’s pretty strange to be driving on a pretty big road and then suddenly see Stonehenge behind a chain link fence.  It was a little bit disappointing if you ask me.  Charlie has been DYING to see Stonehenge.  He looked up for a total of 20 seconds before returning to his game on my iPhone.  I know, we should have stopped and done it justice, but we were tired. 

So, there you have it.  Our first adventure out in the countryside.  And boy was it more of an adventure than we bargained for. 

That blasted car has now been passed on and we’re starting fresh, with another car, with slightly less of a problem with it’s transmission (a story for another day).

Thank goodness for the sea. 

“Whatever we loose, like a you or a me,

It’s always ourselves we find in the sea. “

-- e e cummings

life as we knew it

just ended today. 

peter learned to climb the stairs.

we have steep stairs, with a twist, and no gates. 

I worry that I’ll loose track of him for one second and then hear the dreaded thumping down the stairs.

Thankfully I have my 2 big kids who are much more worried (and vigilant) about Peter’s safety than I am. 

It’s not just the added stress/worry that this new milestone brings with it that makes me sad, it’s that my baby, THE baby, my final one, is growing up.  He’ll be one in just a few weeks, for crying out loud!

Peter continues to be the most adorable baby who ever lived (maybe I’m a little biased).  He charms the socks off of everyone he meets.  He has an easy grin, filling in each day with new teeth (6 and counting!).   He is mellow to the core and is normally happy to just go with the flow – mostly likely because that’s his only choice most days.  He spends A LOT of time either in my Beco backpack or the stroller and in the whole two months we’ve been here, traipsing around this big new place, there have only been a handful of times that he has complained about it. 

Tonight I videoed him in the kitchen while he and Jeff played peek a boo.  And I could feel it.  I could feel the heart wrenching tug I’m going to feel in 5 years when I watch that video.  The hollow longing to reach into the screen and grab that baby, nuzzle into his neck, smell his baby-ness, squeeze his chubby thighs and beg for one of his slobbery kisses.  It made me tear up right then and there.  And it made me snatch him right out of that chair and drink him in.

Peter has been waking up in the middle of the night again, and despite all my best attempts, there’s nothing I can do to get him to go back to sleep except for nurse him in the dark.   I’ve spent quite a few nights resenting this night time waking, wondering if I could feed him more during the day, or dress him warmer or give him more water if he’d sleep right through, I am just SO TIRED and it feels like moving bricks to get my body out of my nice warm bed.  But, then I cuddle him in and his rhythmic breath, his smell, his body contoured around mine, his soft cheeks and cold hands warming up in mine bring that flood of milk and love all intermixed. If I let myself wake up a little and be present, I forget all about how nice it was sleeping in my bed and instead I drink it all in, suck in the beauty of that moment with each of his breaths.   Me and my baby in the middle of the still night. 

Although there may be too many of these nights in the next few months, there won’t be any of them in the next few years.  Sure I’ll be well rested and that will be glorious (and may work wonders for my ability to be patient during the day) but I’m going to work on savoring this little baby while I can, even if that’s in the middle of the night. 

And, I’m going to do my darndest to teach him quickly how to get himself down the stairs with out any thumps.

little girl. big city.

My heart goes out to little Emmeline as I herd her through this big adventure.  Her short little legs have walked miles and miles.  They’ve learned how to balance on moving trains and busses (even going upstairs on a jostling double decker) get on and off of escalators and elevators and busses and trains.  While she has had some seriously frantic moments and I think her cry is the loudest sound in London, overall she has been quite a trouper.  

Because the double stroller is way to hard to get up and down the tube stations she is mainly on foot, holding onto the stroller for dear life.  And, although she gets fed up far quicker than the older two, she has spent a lot of time happily hopping along with us (she literally hops, it’s so cute).  She “minds the gap” on the tube by doing a little jump and always always always jumps off busses.   She insists on riding the escalators by herself and she is our designated button pusher for a signal to cross the road. 

She has started school knowing no one.  We walk her to school and leave her there, standing bravely, alone watching us walk out to go and do mommy school.  She always has a huge grin when I pick her up. 

Since we’ve been here there have been moments when I’ve felt extremely tender towards her (and other moments where I’ve felt just the opposite, but we won’t go into that now).  It blows my mind to imagine how hard it must be for her 3 year old little brain to process what has just happened to her.  Boston was the only home she ever knew.  She keeps worrying about things we left back in Boston and asking when we’re going to go back to our other home (which now can mean either Boston or our flat in London). 

 These pictures are mostly from different days, but she insists on wearing her “black, twirly” dress nearly every single day. 

On days when she is red checked from yelling and teary eyed over the tiniest little blip I have to remind myself of the total upheaval that has happened in her once predictable life.  Often I don’t have that little reminder till the day is done and I catch a glimpse of her sleeping as I put something away in her room.  It’s always then that I can see my children so clearly, see life from their perspective.  And usually I’m sad that I wasn’t more compassionate and loving to them during the day.  Days just get crazy.

So, I’m trying to see her, really see her while she’s awake too.  I’m hoping if I can see her clearly I can help her navigate these strange waters.  A little girl.  In the middle of a big city.  Smack in the middle of a huge change. 

Brave little thing.

as good as a rest

I can’t believe that we’ve been settled into our new little house, or Cottage (as Hazel calls it) for two full weeks and I haven’t put anything up on the blog yet.  Oh, wait, I can believe that.  Things have been nutty busy trying to get everyone all settled into a new life here.  We’ve had to unpack, get the rest of our luggage from Amy’s shed where it’s been stored, unpack that, figure out where to put things, how to organize things, what to sleep on, where to sleep, how to get a car, how to drive that car, how to fix that car (yeah, it already broke down), how to get to the store, how to educate our kids blah blah blah.  You get the picture, it’s been busy and there have been days where the novelty of this grand adventure has worn thin and life just feels like life, only all disheveled. 

But, it’s been awesome too.  Even with all the chaos and upheaval, I keep finding myself grinning.  I’m loving this adventure.  They say that a change is as good as a rest and I believe it’s certainly true in this case.  Life was getting way too crowded in Boston, I was tired and strung out and ready for a break.  This is certainly not a break.  Life is still busy here, my kids are still disobedient tattle tellers who are way too silly at all the wrong times, toilets still get dirty, Peter still wakes up in the night, Emmeline still has tantrums (and a few more than usual with all this change) there is still way too much to fit into 24 hours and there is still always a mound of clean laundry on my bed at night.  But, despite the fact that there is no rest, something about that change has me all energized.  I’m really liking my life right now.

So far here is what our life is like here in our little suburb or London:

We live in this little house.  In my opinion, it is perfectly British.  It looks much more charming in all it’s mossy-ness without the snow (this was a huge storm for London) but this is the only picture I have. It’s old and nice and cozy.  It’s quirky and small (but I’m told everything is here) the rooms are all small and closed off (common for England I’ve heard), the leaded windows are drafty but there’s a back garden that looks out over a cricket pitch and the bathroom has a bidet (or a little kid sink as Emmeline likes to call it).   It’s further out form London than we’d like to be, but all told, it’s perfect for us.  We’ve rented it furnished and while the stuff that’s here isn’t at all what we’d choose,  it’s all pretty old durable stuff so we’re not really too worried about ruining anything.  There is something so liberating right now to me about not having any say in how my house is decorated.  It makes it easy to just live.  I’m sure if we were here forever there are things that would start eating at me, but right now I love the weird quirkiness of it all. 

Here the kids are out on the Cricket Pitch (you can see our house from the back in the background).  The big snow (a whopping 4 inches…big for London) was thrilling for the kids since we didn’t see any snow in Boston before we left.  It happened on a Saturday night so getting to church on Sunday on the bus was quite an adventure.  It sort of turned into the Mormon bus since we picked up a few other Mormon families on the way in and since we were the only ones crazy enough to be out braving the storm we had the bus to ourselves.  We all sat on the top deck and the kids sang “Praise to the Man” as we drove through the snow.  I love snow days, they always burn in the kind of memories you won’t forget. 

We’ve been spending a lot of our time just getting our bearings straight.  Figuring out how to get food and other little things that we didn’t bring with us.  It seems that all grocery stores in London deliver which has been a life saver since we haven’t had a car.

Probably my happiest thing so far about where we live is that we’ve already made some awesome friends.  It feels so good to be in a new place and still have a house full of friends quite often.  There’s a great family who we met through church just a few miles away who have   totally taken care of us.  Allison (the mom) has taken me to Costco and Ikea (both really close, yeah!), brought over toys and books for the kids and cleaning supplies for me.  She’s taken my kids in the afternoon so I can get things done and brought her kids over while she walks me through all the little details of life here that I need to know.  Her husband has taken Jeff to look for a used car, shoveled our snow and spent hours building a snow fort with Charlie.  And, as luck (or providence) would have it there is also another really awesome family (also in our church congregation) just 4 doors down from us.  There are very few members of our church in our little town, so this is pretty amazing.   Tis dear family has really taken us under their wing, they’ve stopped in repeatedly to make sure we’re ok, lent us things that we need, watched our kids and (best of all) they have a 17 year old daughter who is an awesome babysitter.

We’ve haven’t had any luck getting our kids into a public school here.  They’re all completely full right now.  So, we’re on the waiting list but, in the the mean time we’re going to homeschool.  I’m secretly pretty stoked that I get to educate my kids while we’re here.  I feel like there is so much for us all to learn and experience together and we have so little time.  While I’d LOVE them to have the opportunity to go to school in another country (and to pick up an accent and wear those cute school uniforms) I’m not sure if any of that would make up for how amazing it is to have all the freedom to really go and see and learn and take in everything around us.  Already I feel like all of us have learned so much as we’ve journeyed through this together.  I’ve been really reading a lot and doing a lot of research on how I want to approach homeschooling and I’m so excited about giving it a try.  It’s something I’ve wanted to try for a long long time and now here I am, really loving it so far. 

But, I have to also say, it’s pretty exhausting.  I love having my kids around me all the time, but that’s also the problem, they are around me ALL THE TIME!  It’s taking some getting used to (for all of us), but I think once we all settle into a rhythm we are all going to love it.  The kids really miss their classrooms at home, and it’s going to be a bit of a struggle to make sure they’re getting their social needs met, but for now they’re loving the few friends that they do have and they' are closer to each other than they’ve ever been.  I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to say about homeschool as we move through this, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to love it.  My brain is feeling really engaged as I try to figure it all out and that feels really good.

While we can’t get the big kids into school, we have found a school for Emmeline (there is publicly funded pre-school here!)  She goes to a cute little school 3 mornings a week and one full day.  That is what is going to make this whole homeschooling thing doable.  It’s so nice to have a few mornings with just the big kids to focus on and one full day to go into the city with out her and her poor little legs tagging along.  She seems to be loving the school where they mostly play and do crafts.  She’s even picking up a little bit of an accent. 

We are loving being close enough to London to still hop in there a few times a week.  When we have a spare afternoon we go into a museum for a few hours.   It’s awesome (until the last 20 min when everyone always melts down). 

Jeff is enjoying his case here, but he’s working hard and a lot and we’re missing having him around, but we’re also so thankful for his hard work. It’s tricky to balance moving your family and working on a big project all in a new country.  My heart just opens wide to him as he walks out the door in the mornings, in the cold to go all the way into the city to work hard, all so that we can live this big adventure.  I feel more grateful to him for what he’s doing and what he’s enabling our family to do than ever before.  Jeff is awesome. 

The other thing that has taken up a huge chunk of our time and energy is finding a used car to buy and use and then sell when it’s time to go home.  It seems the whole housing search didn’t teach me many lessons about decision making because I agonized too much over this dumb decision.  Then, we ended up getting a car that seemed fine for a few days (oh was it thrilling to have the freedom of a car after not having one for a month) and then just as we were all psyched up and loaded into the car yesterday for our first venture out as a family to go and explore the countryside the car didn’t start.  Instead of driving through the countryside we spent the day getting it started and down to a mechanic so that they can change out the alternator.  Thankfully our new friends and Amy and her family came over and spent the day at our house since we were stuck here.  We ordered Turkish bbq take out and played games.  I am so thankful that we have friends here, new and old.  It just feels so good.  It was just what I needed to distract me from worrying about the darn car. 

Hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow and we can get on with this new life. 

So, while the laundry is piling up and life is settling into a new normal day I’m exhausted, but happily exhausted.  I feel engaged in all the things I want to be engaged in and I keep catching myself smiling through it all.

london with four kids.

We’re moving out of our little flat at 49 Chiltern St. tomorrow.  We’ve spent 3 weeks here and we have very mixed emotions about leaving.  We’ve had some tough times here, but we’ve also had some amazing times, pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming kind of times and it’s a little sad to see this chapter of our adventure come to a close. 

I can not believe all we’ve done in the past few weeks.  All we’ve seen and felt and learned – it’s hard to even take it all in.  I had visions before I came here of being super organized about blogging everything we did, but then my dream jumped into life and things are much more scrambled and out of control then they were in my nicely shelved dream, but that’s ok, because they’re real.  If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that once dreams move out of your head and into reality you see a lot of sides to them that you didn’t expect, and sometimes you have to remind yourself that you’re living your dream, and once you do you’re back to pinching yourself with joy that you’re dream came to life. 

So, instead of a some nice organized blog entries about our adventures here so far, here’s a smorgasbord of pictures  and words, things we want to remember before we slip into our next life.  (Excuse that they are all iPhone pictures….I forgot my camera battery charger in my kitchen at home which may be a blessing in disguise as I can’t imagine adding that big camera to my load these past few weeks!)

I’ve always wanted to live in a city with my kids.  I’m not sure exactly where this desire came from, but I think it stems back to my days in NYC as a graduate student.  I fell in love with the thrill of that city.  I loved how every day I’d walk out the door to an adventure.  There was always something to do, see, smell, learn, feel, take in.  I guess I want my kids to feel comfortable and free in cities, I want them to feel the thrill of being surrounded by so many interesting people and sights and cultures.  So, here we are, and boy is it harder than I imagined (I sense a new theme for this blog?)  but in three weeks we’ve kind of learned how to manage, we’ve learned the new city rules (though they are not perfectly obeyed), our kids are a little more aware of who they’re blocking or annoying and we can kind of get out of the door without feeling too panicked.   We’re not totally there, but when I think of all we’ve learned it feels like we’ve come a long way.

So, here’s what we’ve loved about living right in the heart of the city:

• funnily enough, I’ve loved our small little apartment.  When I first walked in after that horrendous day of travel without Jeff I was disappointed by how small the place was (amazing how tricky wide angle cameras are).   But, it has worked out so well.  I love having a little kitchen where everything is within reach (I' haven’t really been cooking like I do at home, so I might feel differently after a while), I’ve loved having everyone on the same floor (stairs can really be a drag with a baby and a three year old who needs you to still take her to the potty every half hour), I’ve loved having our little washer/dryer combo in the kitchen so that I can stay on top of laundry (I forget about it down in the basement).  I love how we put Emmeline to bed in our bed and then have to move her out to the couch when she goes to sleep, it forces me to see her sleeping, which is always a good way to erase the frustrations of the day.  I love opening up the blinds in the morning and seeing the brick building across the way and hearing all the city sounds around us.  The kids love the tiny mirrored elevator (and play in it FAR too much).  I love our little round table that we sit around for meals.  I LOVE that a cleaning lady comes in three times a week.  I love that we’re all so close together.  I love that we haven’t been able to figure out how to make the DVD player play our DVDs.  The kids have been playing together non stop with nothing but some Legos and a few toys they brought with them.
• I’ve loved not having very much stuff.  We didn’t bring much stuff to England, and we brought even less to London for our short stay in the city (the rest is out with Amy).  There is something so simple and glorious about not having stuff.  It makes me wonder what in the world we’ll need from those other bags stored in Amy’s garage.  It’s nice that at least one part of our life feels simple. 
• I’ve loved the double decker busses.  I’ve gotten to know the routes pretty well and we’ve been taking them everywhere.  It’s so much easier to get the kids on and off (especially the stroller) and we’re never in that big of a hurry so we can sit and watch London go by, or tell stories or read books as we make our way to our destinations.
• I’ve loved the museums here.  Most of them are free so you don’t feel like you have to see everything all at once, you can just spend an hour or two and then say you’ll see the rest another day.  And they all have amazing children guides or activities or trails or hunts that totally keep the kids engaged.
• I have LOVED doing “mommy school” here.  We’re not sure what the schooling situation is going to be like once we move into our house, but for the past few weeks we’ve been doing “mommy school” which mainly consists of learning about London, visiting museums, playing in parks, learning how to count British money, dividing sweets, writing in journals and reading a lot.  It’s not all sunshine and flowers, we’ve had some serious melt downs and even mommy school strikes, but overall we’ve all really enjoyed it.  I feel like I’m spending a lot of my time and energy doing the thing I love most about mothering: teaching my children.  And, I’m learning so much in the process.  I feel this hunger growing inside of me to review all that I ever knew about history and cultures and art and people.  I love it.
• The weather here has been so incredibly mild.  I think we’re probably the only ones who have moved to London for the weather and the housing, but we’ve found both to work out better than Boston so far.
• I love that I feel so engaged as a mother here.  Something about changing life has somehow helped me feel really connected with my kids in a way that I haven’t for a while.  Maybe it’s that we are all so needy, we are clinging to each other.  And that feels good.
• I love walking out the door and being surrounded by London.  It is really an amazing city.  The big red busses, the striking black cabs, the amazingly old and beautifully detailed buildings surrounding you everywhere. I’m falling in love. 
• When they aren’t falling apart, I love having these three ‘big kids’ following me about.  They are awesome when they aren’t awesome.
• I love the way people talk and interact.  How parents call their children ‘darlings’ and how almost everyone sounds polite and educated (I’m sure once I get the accents down that will change, but for now, people seem so much more refined!)
• I love that my brain is challenged every single day.  I feel like I’m using parts of it that have never been used before, I can almost feel the new synapses firing, and that feels good.  My brain has felt a little sleepy for a while and now it’s very awake.
• My becco baby carrier.  Peter spends a lot of time on my back so that little Em can take a rest in the stroller and I love having him back there.  He keeps me all warm, and makes such sweet noises (except when he’s crying).  I love it.
• the parks here.  I love the parks here.  They’re like parks when I was little.  They’re dangerous.  They have mary-go-rounds.  They have zip lines.  They have tall tall swings.  They have climbing structures that are actually challenging for the kids.  My kids faces burst into delight the minute they’re set free at a playground here.  I think the combination of awesomely fun stuff to do and being free from traffic and crowds just sets their little souls aglow. 
• You can order groceries in your PJs and before you know it a nice bloke is delivering them to your door.
• The food.  England gets a bad rap for bad food, but I’ve found the food here amazing.  The produce is fresh and tasty (the carrots taste like real carrots), the sweets and cookies are delicious (we’ve eaten way too much) and the pre-made sandwiches that you can get everywhere are not bad at all.  Maybe the novelty will wear off, but I think I’m going to really miss the food once we’re gone. 
• Being close to a best friend who will and has dropped everything when I need anything.  I’m not sure how I’d hold up without her.

And, to keep it real, here’s what I haven’t loved so much:

• having to yell at my kids all the time because I’m so nervous that they aren’t going to be aware and accidently step off the curb and get hit by a bus (those busses come fast, so close to the sidewalk).  We’re all getting better at this, but it still pretty much freaks me out all the time.
• carrying the stroller up and down so many stairs.  A lot of the time people stop to help, but a lot of the time they don’t.
• Navigating all the new systems from housing, to banking to transportation, to cell phones, to groceries.  Everything feels different here except for the language.  I guess that’s why my brain is coming alive so ultimately it’s a good thing, but boy has it taken a lot of time and energy.
• dealing with kids who are strung out, jetlagged, over walked, undone, frustrated, overstimulated and hungry all while I’m dead tired myself.
• getting on and off of escalators and trains during rush hour.  Why are people always in such a hurry? 
• trying to plug in stuff and keep stuff charged has been a challenge.  I’m sure we’ll get that worked out.
• Housing is so darn expensive for so little, but I think we’ve got that worked out.
• Every time I walk out the door suddenly money is just gone.  Everything is so darn expensive.  Good thing it all feels like monopoly money right now since it’s a different currency and our budget is all disheveled, but I’m sure I’m in for a big surprise when we sit down to sort it all out. 

All in all, life is good.  I’d bring this dream into reality even after knowing all it’s ugly sides.  It just feels right and real.

 

Good bye to our little home by Baker Street station.  On to the next adventure: learning to drive on the left side of the road.  That will certainly be as dangerous as the London traffic.