Young Woman in the house.

 

Hazel turned 12!  I know that was a few months ago, old news, but still noteworthy for this family record.  Hugely noteworthy.  We have a 12 year old!  A young woman!  A stunning soul, full of light, launching into the world.  

Hazel was born wanting to break free.  I think her old wise soul has always felt caged in the shadow of our parenting.   But she has stuck with us, sometimes pushing away, sometime inching away, sometimes clinging back close.  It’s been a wild ride, and there’s more bumps and turns to come, but boy do we love who she is emerging from the child Hazel.  This big bright spirit full of depth and wisdom and drive and grit.   Even though day to day I’m pretty terrible at showing her, deep down inside I trust who Hazel is.  I trust the very essence of her soul.  Through all the turmoil of a mother/first child/daughter relationship I have never doubted that I am going to be dazzled by the person she becomes, and has she unearths herself I more and more convicted .  She is good at her core, brilliant with unique energy and ideas that are going to shape the world into a different, richer, more complete place. 

It is humbling to be the mother of a child so far beyond your own capacity.  This is not a dig on myself, I know I’m smart and have ideas and can generate good things, but her just beginning brain is digesting information faster than I can believe, connecting it together with experience and insight and spewing out new concepts and unique ideas.  Her young small light has this bright power that will spark into creations that won’t just go up with the smoke, but will take hold in her world and ignite those around her.  

Hazel, keep going.  Go on strong, with grit.  Forgive all my mothering follies, all my well intended but imperfect attempts and harnessing  your soul.  Souls as big as yours need to be harnessed for a season, building strength and discipline to really go the distance.  For some well intended Reason I am your mother, and although you don’t always understand why, and I don’t always feel able, I am always deeply grateful to be able to call you mine. 

I love watching you become.  It is one of my life’s greatest blessings. 

room for a soul–leaving space for our kids to fill up

(I wrote this mid-Christmas season, but never published it.  So here are these thoughts, for the record).
Christmas is coming, too fast.
We watched Charlie Brown Christmas and I could totally relate with Charlie.  It’s supposed to be such a happy time of year, but as a mom it’s hard for me to stop all the craziness and just slow down and enjoy the magic of it all.  I’m trying hard to, but find myself in kind of a bad mood a lot of the time. 
I am finding that we are all much happier when I let go and just let things happen, let the holidays unfold. Yes, do my work, make my way through the never ending to do list, but stop and just let things unfold.  Even unravel sometimes. 
Hazel taught me this lesson.  She started teaching it to me last year at Christmas by pushing hard against the plans I had made.  It irked me to no end.   I kept feeling so mad that this daughter of mine was getting in the way of me raising her how I always dreamed I’d raise a child!  I had so many great ideas, so many memories to create, so many concepts teach, so many things to experience together all stored up in a mothering file I started as a kid.   And darn this pre-pubescent girl who kept getting in my way, resisting my direction, derailing my plans, storming off.  It’s kind of been a war with her all year.  But slowly I’m seeing why she is fighting.  She has a lot of her own plans and they’re really remarkably good. She’s transitioning from being a small person who follows her mom around to having her own brain and heart and ideas and will (well, she’s kind of always had that).  
The point is, Hazel has fight inside of her and if I keep squelching it with my own ideas and plans one of two things could happen.  Her fight could go out.  Extinguished by my unrelenting desire to make things go according to my plans.  She could acquiesce so much that that drive inside to assert and create and become slowly wither way, buried deep beneath feelings of self doubt and insecurities.  But, lets be real here, anyone who knows Hazel knows that’s not going to happen.  She’s a fighter.  So, the more likely scenario is this, she’s gonna just keep fighting me.  And all that struggle is going to make it harder and harder for her to distinguish between what fights are worth fighting.  Everything will become a battle.  A way to assert who she is, to express her soul.
Isn’t adolescence all about figuring out who you are?  How can you do that when someone so close to you has filled every inch of the space around you?
So I’m trying to step back.  Trying to let her fill in more space in our lives.  Expand who she is and what she controls.  Boy is it hard.  And I’m really not getting it right most of the time, but I’m trying.
I did get it right decorating the Christmas tree this year.  Last year our family ornament hanging turned disastrous as I tried to do things according to my vision and Hazel resisted.   Hazel ended up storming away to her room and in a rage started a book called, “Faults of my Mom.”  Here is the first chapter:
Decorating Christmas tree:
The thing that makes me most mad is when my mom TRIES to make a happy peaceful setting in our house.  for example: we were decorating our Christmas tree and mom takes out ornaments one at a time, talking about each one as if it were really the most pretty, beautiful or interesting thing in the world.
example:
MOM: This ornament I bought at Market Basket because I felt like it
or:
MOM: This is another nylon reindeer we had on our tree when I was little. (weird!!)
PEACEFUL
     settings
in a HOME just
    COME.
you can't make
      them!
That is the thing I try to explain to my mom. I mean, thinking back, "organized moments" mom tried to make never worked.  Kids didn't want to take pictures, we argued, stuff like that. The only way to make Moments memorable is to not try so hard to make your self happy. Also CRUSH the plans that you might have made and trust them,  play along with you kids it will make the moments last any way.
Sighing off,
(I mean that)
Hazel
This year as we pulled out the ornament box and got ready to adorn that tree I decided to turn the whole process over to Hazel.  She did a fantastic job and I just got to sit back and watch as she merged both the order and sentimentality that she knew was important to me with the free flow sort of chaos that was important to her.  She even made a joke at the beginning by being sure to pick out the nylon reindeer and reminisce on it’s beauty and sentimental importance. 
She’s a good girl, that Hazel.  A deep, wise soul.  She just needs me to give her a little more space for her soul to expand.   

Eleven.

A brief interruption in my very slow posting of our summer adventures to acknowledge that my Hazel turned 11 today.   ELEVEN years old. 

I knew the minute I looked into those pool blue baby eyes that crammed inside that tiny body was a deep and wise and old soul.  A huge soul, ready to break loose into the world and tilt it on its axis. 

Today Hazel was the DJ in the car on the way to school.  She chose “Fight Song” (isn’t that the greatest song?) and I started telling her about how I got to swim in the ocean while listening to that song this summer.  I only had to say a few words about that experience of fighting the waves with that music blaring in my ears and she flashed me a look of total understanding.  An “I get how cool that was for you mom” look.  A look that suddenly, in a flash, reminded me that she is of my blood, my flesh and bone.  That, despite all the kerfuffles we have had during these eleven years, despite the yelling matches, the misunderstandings, the mom in training mistakes, she and I are born of the same stuff and sealed together.  Our souls are intertwined in a beautiful mess of mistakes and forgiveness, of trial and error and victory that is the very essence of life and growth and joy.   I think she saw the tears all welled up in my eyes when I dropped her off and squoze her hand.  And I think she knew, without words, what that little interaction uncovered for us. We get each other, our hearts are synched, and beneath the rough patches on this unchartered road there is a solid foundation of love and synchronicity and atonement that will make our any ashes beautiful.

I drove away more grateful than ever that she was sent to me.  That I get to live on this earth and experience that kind of bond. That kind of tugging that carves you out and gives you more capacity to feel. 

Eleven things I love about my Hazel:

1. She grasps life’s experiences and feels them fully.  Nothing inside Hazel’s feeling brain is muted or black and white.  It’s all in high contrast, screaming color.  She is always the first one in the ocean, loves to walk in pouring rain, to feel the earth beneath her bare feet.  She coined the phrase “I FEEL ALIVE!” in our family and patented pose. 2. Hazel is always up for an adventure and is still always reminding me that “It’s all part of the adventure.”  I am forever grateful that she is willing to help me make adventures happen in our family.  She’s my little partner in crime. 3. Hazel gets beauty.  She sees beauty in all kinds of unlikely places and is always pointing it out.  Every single time I cut the end off a stalk of celery she grabs the stub and admires the stunning design.  She is always creating beautiful things in unique ways. She has an eye for style and design, her own style and design.  She isn’t swayed too much by trends, she sets them. 

4. Hazel is wicked smart.  I think probably too smart for her britches.  She is dangerously good at debating her point and convincing us to think about things differently.  I can talk to Hazel about nearly anything and she’s right there with me.

5. Hazel knows what she needs and fights for it.  Of course, this is hard sometimes as a parent, but I’m realizing that she’s usually spot on. 

6. I can totally trust Hazel. She will always tell me the truth.  And if she does mess up, she always tells me.  This is like gold.

7. Hazel is the best big sister anyone could ever ask for.  She is constantly playing imaginative games with Peter and Emmeline, getting everyone organized into super creative activities, making sure that our kids get visits from the tooth fairy and all kinds of other fairies and imaginary friends.  She has read half of the Roald Dahl box set to Em and Peter.  They are so lucky to have her.  There's a reason she came first.

8. Hazel is amazing with little kids.  Somehow magically her naturally impatient personality turns utterly patient with children younger than her.  They all gravitate towards her.  She makes everything fun.

9. Hazel is the most generous person you might ever meet.  She rarely has any money in the bank of mom cause she’s always giving it away or buying things for people.

10. Hazel is funny.  And she knows how to laugh at herself.

11. Hazel is connected.  She feels a strong connection to her Heavenly Father and to the Savior.  She has a deeply spiritual soul. 

I love you dear Hazel.  Thanks for being my soul sister.

Hallelujah! A party planner!

Hazel offered to plan Emmeline’s birthday party, which was a huge relief to me (I’m swamped in November with photo editing).  She did an amazing job, i mean, world class.  She planned it out, made invitations, sent them, stuffed a piñata, made up games, made and decorated the cake.  All I had to do was take her to the store and buy the stuff.  And at the party I didn’t have to do a thing but take pictures of all the magic that was happening.  Hazel is really good at planning things, and extremely gifted with younger children.  She had them all eating out the the palm of her hand.  Smart as she is, she saw that this was her ticket to start her own little party planning business and had business cards all ready to hand out to moms when they picked up their kids.  She’s been planning parties ever since.  It’s a perfect pre-babysitter way to earn money. Since Hazel’s such a good writer, and was really in the details of this party I’m going to let her write the rest of this post.  Love you haze!

I really love party planning it is awesome. It is an awesome way to interact with little kids while earning money. We started with an opening craft, making fairy wands. As you can see, emmeline loves her creation.  While we were waiting for the rest of the group to finish, the girls gazed at Em’s cake. Next up, pin the wings on the fairy. This one was em’s idea. I found this web site where you can create your own fairy and print it out.    And then (drum roll please….) the piñata. we bought this one online because last time we tried to make our own out of card board it took forever to break open. After that, we did a fairy adventure with fairy dust and bubbles(??) trying to find various fairy accessories following the path of bubbles that we blew to the correct location.   It took a long time.  and then………. pictures.   Emmelines fairy friend (Shannon, who has been giving em little gifts and trinkets for years) sent a package in the mail to emmeline (fairy mail) so I decided that emmeline could open that at her party too   And finally cake. Emmeline was delighted with her cake and was also delighted that I had stuffed so much candy in her cake too. Then em got to open her presents and was sooooo happy  

To finally wrap up and to get the kids calm we played dead donkey. It was very FUNNY.

I LOOOOOOOOOOVE  EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

 

Love, Hazel

Hazel’s Book Themed Birthday Bash

Invitation created on Paperless Post. 

As promised, here are some photos from Hazel’s 10th birthday party.  We only do parties on even years, so Hazel had two years to debate and think and plan and set high expectations.  This seemed like a recipe for disaster, this girl has high hopes for things like birthday parties.  But, she planned pretty much all of it on her own and never second guessed any of her ideas or decisions.  This she did NOT inherit this ability from me! At the end of the day she was all smiles saying that it was the best birthday party ever (even though of course there were some glitches, and lots of imperfections).  She then asked me if I wanted to know her secret --- “you just have to lower your expectations and then you’re always happy.”  Old, wise soul. 

Anyway, the party was perfectly imperfect.  Mostly because she really did call the shots and was cool with me ratcheting some of her elaborate ideas down.   We had a good time pulling this off together.  Nothing was perfectly pinterest, but I’m realizing more and more how much kids don’t care about that.  They care about ownership, about having ideas and building on them.  They’re not trying to create something out of competition, but out of that creative spark that’s bursting out of them.  I hate it that part of that dies as we move away from childhood. 

Anyway, I’m digressing (are you noticing a theme here on my blog lately?  Letting kids take over, simplifying, taking a back seat parenting approach?  Where is this all coming from?  Maybe more on that later.)

Hazel’s chosen theme was books.  Of course this made me smile.  I love that she loves books and reading, that she is a little bookworm. 

She asked her friends to come dressed as a favorite character from a book.  She was Anne of Green Gables.  We had the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland there, Calvin and Hobbs, Hermione and some other folks I wasn’t as familiar with.    Oh, and we had Ralph S. Mouse from the Mouse and the Motorcycle (not much resemblance, but Peter grasps any opportunity to look like a cool biker dude).  As friends arrived we made this cool book art.  This is an addicting (and very aesthetically pleasing) thing to do with some down time.  The kids all got pretty creative.   We just used an old book from one of my Wellesley Women’s Studies classes and sliced it up with an x-acto knife.  The kids played some improve games where they had to introduce each other’s characters (in their own character).  And one where they had to act like their character might act in a certain setting or scenario while others watched to guess what the scenario/setting was.  As soon as you thought you knew the setting you could jump in and start doing what you thought your character might do in that situation.  It was pretty funny.   We had a Yankee book swap.  Great way to pass around some already read books. 

Jeff also lead a game where the kids had to guess which books certain passages came from.  I was off getting pizza, so no photos of this….but I heard it was a hit.  And then the real hit….Hazel’s traditional piñata.  She’s had a piñata for every birthday party.  This book one she and I made out of an amazon box.  It was pretty darn strong and took some serious whacking to break open.       And then, of course, presents and cake.  I love the present opening part of parties.  I love seeing how excited the giver is to give and the birthday girl is to receive.  And I love that it gives them a chance to thank the giver in person.    We always play “Heavy Heavy Hang over” as we open gifts.  This is a British(?) tradition where the giver says a little rhyme:  Heavy Heavy Hangover thy poor head.  What do you wish with a bump on the head.  They then give the receiver a little bump with the gift and the birthday girl tells them one nice thing they wish for the giver.  Hazel’s default wish is that the giver will get a swimming pool in their back yard.  I just love that it slows things down a bit and helps the gift receiver to think a little about the giver before tearing into their loot. 

And the girl always picks blondies over birthday cake. That’s as easy as it gets.

Even with all of her involvement, pulling that party off was exhausting.   But I’m pretty sure it was worth it, judging from the constant smile on her face. 

She’s already thinking about her 12th birthday party.