So, a few months ago Hazel went through a stage where she kept asking me as we were reading books, "mom, is THIS the happening page?" At first I didn't know what she meant, but then I realized that she always asked that on the page of the climax, where everything happened. I realized that as I read with her one of us is always asking "what's going to happen?" and we waited and read with anticipation....and then, finally on one of the pages it all happens. When I first discovered this I was just proud of my "very advanced" little thinker. But then, last week as we Shawni and Charity and I were struggling through new york with tons of little babies I had an epiphany:
For months I had been looking forward to all these visitors....and then they were there and I was stressed and tired and ready to be done and I realized that that was a happening page. I was, right then, living what I had been anxiously awaiting, and I wasn't living it well. As I've been thinking about it I have come to the sad realization that lately a lot of my happening pages get a lot of anxiety leading up to them and a lot of stress during them and then they're just something to blog about. How do you really LIVE out happening pages? I don't know the answer. Any ideas?
Maybe part of it is just stopping to think about what is happening. Sure, every day of my life right now is not glorious and glamorous.....but I am really living a big dream of mine. Ten years ago if I could have fast forwarded and seen my life as a video (muted of course....no screaming kids) I think I'd be pretty happy with what I saw. A happy marriage, two really pretty good kids and the opportunity to raise them pretty much full time. I would see this as quite the happening page. Maybe I just need to remember that more often. And find some kind of mute button.
Today, Halloween, actually did feel like a happening page. I can't believe how fun it was to have kids that really get what's going on. We had some great soup for supper (complete with a decorated table....wow, maybe that's why the day felt so ideal) . Charity came over and we trick-or-treated to our neighbors. I really like our neighborhood. Then we went over to the church for the trunk or treat. Hazel and Charlie were in heaven with the candy (despite having such bad colds). Charlie went around as a little monkey saying "ick eat!" and "happy ween."
So, I tried to be a cool mom and dress up to go out with the kids. The best I could do was this witch hat and a "Zena the warrior princess" wig that I bought today at Marshall's for $1.25. When Jeff came home and saw me he asked (very seriously) "did you die your hair?" Yes, jeff, and it grew a foot in a day. I love him, but sometimes he's a little clueless.
Charlie really liked the witch costume and even though I couldn't stand wearing it for more than a few minutes Hazel insisted on addressing me as "witch" all night long. That made me feel like a good mom.