thoughts after a really bad day

Midweek this week I had a horrible terrible no good day. 

At the beginning of the week I found out I may have a stress fracture somewhere around my ankle making it so that I can’t run the half marathon I've been training for for months.  Come on!  This week was my rest week….the race is on Saturday……i did every bit of training and now I can’t run.  So, that was a bummer.

So my ankle hurt and I was sad but then I woke up with some strange and sever allergic reaction to something that made my face swell up like a balloon and itch so badly i wanted to rip it off (I'm really not being dramatic here).  I kind of forgot about the pain in my ankle.

Can you believe that I’m posting this picture of myself?  this doesn’t even do the allergic reaction justice…..my eyes were nearly swollen shut and my face was purple and hot for most of the day…...

Sadly, i also woke up to the everyday duties of mothering all laid out before me.  Jeff had a busy week at work and couldn’t take time off.  I had promised the kids a trip to the park for a play date with some friends.  Doctor appointments were set to try to figure out this ankle thing.  And then doctors appointments needed to be scheduled to figure out this freaky allergic reaction.  Hazel had an evaluation I had to take her to to figure out what to do with her for school next year.  Emmeline needed to be changed and fed and changed and fed and played with.  Charlie, bless his heart, didn’t need much more than a few seconds here or there of me watching him run real fast or do some cool trick…..which still felt a quite burdensome to my body that was quickly being taken over by this horrible reaction.  

So, i got up and went at it.  I had a huge breakdown at one point trying to find someway for me and Hazel (who was my little companion that day….exciting mommy date, right?) to make it back to the babysitter, pick up the kids, find someone new to drop them off with so that I could go and get an MRI of my ankle, get my prescription quick so that I could stop the spread of this weird itching, all in fifteen minutes.  We made it through the day,  thanks to some dear friends who came to the rescue just at the right time. 

So here are my thoughts:

1. I am more grateful than ever that I don’t have to live with this horribly itchy painful body all the time.  You don’t even think about how nice it is that you’re skin doesn’t itch or your ankle doesn’t hurt until it starts to.  I can’t imagine how moms all over the place deal with chronic physical and emotional pain and motherhood at the same time.   The two don’t seem to mix well. 

2. There are three little people in the world who are completely dependent on me most of the time.  I know, I’ve sort of known this for the past 5 years, but man, that responsibility really hits hard when you want to run away from it. 

3. I need backup, and I’m so thankful to have it.  I’m so grateful that I have friends who will drop everything to help me.  A husband who is extremely helpful (when he doesn’t have to work).  It’s hard living so far from family, and I’ve really felt that loss this week….but thank my lucky stars that I have so much support here. 

4. Your house really goes to pot when you feel lousy.  Please, if you live in the area, don’t stop by…..you’d be shocked at the state of things in here.  Luckily it’s mother’s day in a few days and guess who is in charge of getting the house clean?  Nope, it’s not me.

5. My kids are very forgiving, and I think in a strange sort of way it’s good for them to see a little of my vulnerability, my humanness.  They have been so kind to me and patient and have overlooked a lot this week. 

So yeah, it’s been a bad week.  But, I do have to say that I’ve learned a lot and thought a lot and am hoping this whole experience (please make it end soon!) will make me into a more complete person in some round about way.