belated birthday

enough time has passed…..I can now safely blog about my birthday. 

i really don’t like birthdays.  i just don’t like that there is a day where I'm programmed to want people to do nice things for me……to have a perfect day.  It’s a recipe for disaster, a mine field for both Jeff and my emotions.  I find myself wishing the day would peacefully move on without my noticing…..but it doesn’t.  Oh, no, it’s more like the day screeches through with it’s brakes on. 

I was especially dreading my birthday this year.  I had instructed Jeff not to get me anything (unless it was a piano).  I just don’t like the wondering…is he going to get me something? what is it going to be?……it just fuels my high expectations……  So I told him, and I meant it, not to get me anything.  I asked him to just happily put together the grill I was planning to buy myself. 

And then a few days before my birthday, in a state of panicked realization, Jeff told me that he was going to be out of town.  Phew.   That was awesome….put a quick end to any hopeful speculation.  I could go about my day quietly without anyone around to expect anything of.

More points for low expectations.

I had a great day.  It was just me and the kids all day long. 

They greeted me in the morning with a surprise they’d been alluding to and planning for weeks….they hid in their rooms and popped up from under their covers screaming surprise.  Not sure how that took so much planning.  It wasn’t too surprising, but quite endearing.  They spent the morning wrapping up all kinds of things for me, using all the tape and wrapping paper in the house to wrap great works of scribble art and small treasures they deemed very valuable. 

We went to lunch, and to Marshals to buy myself some running clothes for a present.  We went for a little hike close to home and picked wild blueberries (thanks Heidi) and we made a lemon cake (thanks Cara). 

We had a little rainy adventure to Castle Island where we counted 34 airplanes come in and ate greasy pub food for dinner and flew kites.  We topped the evening off with my traditional birthday cake float.  It was perfect….the candles didn’t light, the cake floated out a little too far at one point, getting me all wet, and Emmeilne practiced her new extremely loud squawk during most of the event, but it was lovely nonetheless.  There was a distinct joy in sharing a life long tradition with my kids who, suddenly this year, feel like great little friends. 

And then I got home to a bunch of nice emails and phone calls and gifts dropped off. 

In a sense, it was a birthday full of surprises….or discoveries:

• I love hanging out with my kids.  They feel as enjoyable as dear friends as long as I don’t have other things I’m trying to cram in at the same time (which it seems I ALWAYS do).
• Marshals has great running gear
• Charlie runs like a girl when he’s trying to launch a Kite.
• Hazel and Charlie are both pretty good at taking pictures.
• Hazel is a sensitive little girl….she worked so hard to help me have a good day.  Sadly, I can see the birthday expectations already brewing inside her little heart….I’ve got to do something about that.
• there truly are WILD BLUEBERRIES growing in my neighborhood
• I have dear friends, an overly complementary family (but boy it feels good) and a dear husband who felt horrible (and surely a bit relieved) to have to be gone on my birthday. 
• My birthday is a good thing…..and much easier to tolerate when I relax and enjoy the gift of life.