catching up….or not.

My house is a disaster, but I’m trying to ignore it (which is tricky when the crumbs sticking to the bottom of your feet are a constant reminder). 

There is too much to capture, too much life slipping away, too little brain power to catch those memories in my head.  This part of life that won’t happen again.  So, instead of tackling the never ending to dos, I’m going to write for a bit.

I figure, there’s always going to be more laundry to fold, more bills to pay, dishes to wash and put away, clothes to rotate, beds to make, floors to sweep…..and I’ve found that trying to stay on top of those things while nursing and tending to a newborn and three other kids pretty much consumes my entire day these days.  But, Peter is growing up, this newborn time is fleeting.  Did I just say that?  Fleeting?   Two weeks ago I would have paid really good money to get more days under my belt without having to actually live through them.  Minutes and hours and days go slooooooowly (because I’m awake for so many of them!), but I’m realizing that weeks really fly by.  And I want to freeze some of what’s been happening here for us.

In the past week Peter has made it over some kind of peak and we seem to be starting to go downhill a bit into what I hope is a lovely valley (but I’m not getting my hopes too high).  He has been a pretty fussy baby, gassy, uncomfortable, snorty, gaggy.  I’ve cut out any gassy foods, gone off dairy and nuts and chocolate, anything to get him to stop grunting and fussing and sleep a little longer at night.  He’s doing better now, but I think it’s mostly that his huge spirit is getting used to being squashed into that tiny body of his.  And, his tiny body is getting a tiny bit bigger.

I held Peter up on my lap the other day and he stiffened his legs to “stand up” like babies do.  Emmeline, who was there watching, squealed in utter delight and declared in her happiest voice, “Ahhh!  Peter grewed up!”

I also think things are getting better because my ability to deal with little sleep is getting a tiny bit better.  There are still plenty of unpleasant moments, but I’m trying to follow a friends example and meditate during Peter’s feedings….trying to tell myself that I’m going to be tired, it’s a fact of my life right now, but that I’m strong and I can handle things.  That little metal game really works.

The older kids are doing well surviving too.  They’re not expecting much of me.  Hazel has learned to get herself to school completely by herself (which she is so proud of).  Emmeline has become pretty good buddies with the sesame street folks (and has learned form them to finally get her numbers and letters in the right order).  Charlie has learned the joys of PBS game.  We’re making it through and I really think we’ll all be stronger on the other side. 

This single post has taken two days to write.  My floors are still a mess and there is a huge mountain of laundry on the couch waiting to be folded (who am I kidding, I don’t’ fold laundry, I just stuff things in the right drawers.) 

I’m just going to hit send and work on the next post.  The discombobulated-ness of this post is such a true reflection of my life right now.  Nothing hangs together, nothing is finished…..but we’re surviving.  One day at a time.

One of Peter’s first smiles (love it that the iPhone is always nearby to capture little firsts like this, even if the photography isn’t great)