We’ve turned some kind of corner and we are ALL falling in love with Peter. Even Jeff admitted last night that he’s starting to feel attached to the little guy, which, in his own words, “is quite early for me!”
All his thick newborn issues are starting to thin out, leaving space for his true personality to show through, and, I have to say, I think we’ve got a gem here. He is even and happy and mellow. He seems to be getting over whatever weird stomach issues he was having and he spends the majority of his awake time in our room, peacefully looking around at anything with contrast. When he gets tired or bored he whimpers a little bit, I wrap him up tight and put him on the bed where he gazes out the window until sleep gets the better of him and he drifts off.
And, he’s starting to throw out smile and coos left and right. They are absolutely addicting. Even though he’s getting so much easier, I’m not getting any more productive because the time I was spending burping and consoling and figuring out is now completely consumed with trying to coax out every last coo and smile. I have to tear myself away from his side to maintain any semblance of productivity.
I love how he lights up when I talk to him first thing in the morning. I love how much he concentrates on the different sounds I make, watching my mouth ever so carefully to figure out how I’m producing the sounds. I love watching him so seriously try to figure out his world. I love seeing him discover his hands. I love his changing expressions when someone else comes in the room (he gets a little worried look on his face whenever he hears Emmeline). And I love it that I’m starting to speak his language, that I can read his cries, his cues, his grunts. We’re figuring this out together.
I also love it that he is sleeping a little more predictably. Every stretch over five hours that he gives me is a true gift. I wake up with rocks on my chest and full of giddy excitement that I’ve actually really slept. Sometimes I can’t even go back to sleep I’m so excited. I love how good he is at falling asleep on his own. Often I’ll leave him somewhere and then find him fast asleep without a peep. It’s hard to believe he can do this suddenly when the first 6 weeks of his life were spent tirelessly walking and rocking him to sleep.
I remember when Peter was four weeks old (seems like a lifetime ago) and we had a particularly bad night. I was exhausted from night after night of not sleeping and had spent much of that night standing and bouncing and crying and worrying. Finally at 6am I handed Peter to Jeff and told him he had to take over because if he didn’t I was going to loose my mind. I remember laying next to the two of them looking at Peter’s profile silhouetted in the cruel morning light filtering through the window and thinking (in all seriousness), “He has the ugliest profile!” And I remember thinking that I didn’t really like him very much at that moment. And even though I knew it was exhaustion and hormones talking more than me…. it still felt real and overwhelming and horrible.
I think I can safely say that those times are behind us. I’m sure we still have plenty of bumps in the road ahead of us (he’s upstairs crying as I type this) but I can honestly say, I think he has a beautiful profile.
We’ve made it. And I’m smitten.