Valentines Day–Barf

Instead of Valentines Hazel made this little picture out of her felt.  I guess deep down her pre-teen self thinks it’s kind of a pukey holiday.  I love that girl. She’s got personality. 

I don’t think she really dislikes Valentines day.  I think she may have actually been feeling a little barfy when she made it.  But, it did make me stop and wonder, do I like this holiday?  Of course there are all the cynical arguments to not like it – commercialism, contrived expressions of love, how it makes people feel who don’t have a significant other etc etc.  And then there are the reasons that tempt me to dislike any holiday – all those perfect moms posting all the perfect things they did to celebrate (of course I don’t really resent this….I’m just jealous since I’m so not good at doing those pinable holiday things), all the hoopla and work kids expect to make the holiday match up with previous ones, or with the ones they hear about from their friends. 

But, in truth, I do like Valentines day.  I like that it gives us pause to stop and think about those we love.  To reflect on how we love them.  To express our love for them in a more formal way.  I love all the ideas out there to help families demonstrate their love for each other, all the heart attacks and family dates and romance between mom and dad.  To me, that is all good stuff.  Stuff that really can make our kids feel secure and loved and like they belong.

We did our fair share of that over the weekend.  We went on a little family date last night, out to eat and disco bowling.  We had a really great time (until it got a little too late and I got a little too insistent on taking a picture….all that for this blurry picture? when will I learn?).   We had pink oatmeal for breakfast and pink bread for lunch and after church we made and brought some little treats to people in our congregation who were lonely.  Tonight the kids served us a very romantic and hilarious candle light dinner.  They even put themselves to bed while we sat by the fire.

But tonight as I cleaned up the mess from the weekend I wondered, through all this celebrating, did my kids actually feel loved by me?  I did all the outward things that they expected from the holiday.  I wrote them love letters and left buckets of candy by their breakfast plates.   But I was tired from staying up late preparing and my patience wasn’t perfect.  I was frazzled as I moved us through all the things that I felt the holiday demanded of us.

I’m not saying I did it totally wrong.  I think I got a lot of it right.  I just want to make sure that the stuff of holidays doesn’t get in the way of the real meaning behind them.  The stuff is productive, it’s tangible, it’s something we can see and measure and post.  But the real love that we’re celebrating today is so utterly different from the stuff that it generates.  We can’t see or measure or post love.  We don’t plan love.  It’s not on our to do list.

But love is the substance of everything.  If I step back to examine my motivations, love is the engine driving what I do.  Though there are whole days and weeks and seasons where I don’t recognize it, where I plow through the to do lists without seeing the love that’s actually propelling my actions.  I’ve found that when I stop to love and to recognize the love embedded in the work I’m doing then even the mundane motherhood tasks become meaningful, become a part of the real magic of love. 

Richard A. Swenson, M. D. says: “Love is the only thing that will exit out the other side. It will stand alone, vindicated. It will finally and clearly be seen for the dominant, unbeatable, infinite, glorified force it has always been, just obscured for millennia by layers of fallen clutter.”

With each holiday that passes I’m realizing more and more the importance of cutting through the “layers of fallen clutter” to see love as the real force that drives the celebration.   It is through recognizing this force that I can see clearly into which parts of the holiday really matter to our family, which holiday ‘stuff’ will bring us closer to the core meaning.

Because without love at the core, Valentines Day is a pretty barfy holiday. 

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day 2015

At about 11am on Christmas morning Jeff and I both turned to each other and declared this Shumway Christmas “the Last Christmas.”  Of course we were (mostly) joking, but we were exhausted and the kids were strung out and there was just so much stuff everywhere.  But now looking over these photos a few month later I’m determined to give Christmas another shot next year.  There really is magic in all that mayhem.  (I am working on a plan though to cut down a bit, make things more simple and stream lined, manage a little better the stuff that buries us at Christmas).

Really, all in all, we had a great Christmas Eve and Christmas day.  Here are some of the highlights: 

Eli and Julie and their two little ones came to visit us from NYC.  We LOVE having them in our cozy house during the holidays.  It just feels right to have family all packed in.  And they are the most easy going guests you could ask for. Christmas Eve day was incredibly warm so we dragged the kids to our favorite spot in the Fells.  Of course, as soon as we got there they were in heaven.  We met Julie’s brother and his family there and introduced them to our secret Christmas tree forest that we love to visit.  The fresh winter air and the beauty of those christmassy looking woods made us all feel alive (except for Charlie here in this photo….he was in the middle of an epic argument with Hazel). 

We had a really tasty Christmas Eve dinner, splurged and ate Beef tenderloin and not one person stuck their noses up at the meal.  That , right there, made the price of that beef worth it.  We had our dear neighbor Joyce join us.  She is always such a pleasure to have around. She’s really a third grandmother to our kids.  After dinner was my very favorite part of the Christmas season.  The kids all give to each other on Christmas eve so that their gift giving efforts don’t get swallowed up in the excitement of Christmas morning.  My parents did this growing up and made it a point to really focus on the giver as they gave out their hard earned or made gifts.  It always made me feel like a million bucks to be praised to no end for the thoughtful (or maybe not so thoughtful) gifts I was giving.  I think my kids feel the same way. The big kids worked hard for months before Christmas to save up money to buy their gifts.  Peter worked up enough money to buy some pretty stellar things at the dollar store.  I LOVE the expressions captured in these photos.  They were all engaged with their whole little beings, watching and giving and receiving with such intensity and joy.  Jeff got some pink rollers and Twinkies from Hazel.  Love her sense of humor.  I think Hazel takes the cake for great expressions and such gracious giving and receiving. She’s always been such a generous soul. Peter is just spilling with delight.  And look at Em’s proud face as she gave that winning light saber.   Raw and genuine Joy right there. After presents we re-enact the nativity (no pictures of that one), read the Grinch, leave out cookies and scamper into bed.  I love the excitement that fills the house on Christmas Eve.  It’s nearly enough energy to propel me through the hours that come. 

 

As exhausting as it is, I really love the work of Christmas Eve.  I love seeing how all the work I’ve done to collect things over the Christmas season comes together.I had to snap a quick picture of this neat and organized scene before the Christmas morning tornado hit. The morning started early, but not as early as it did  back in 2012.  We still all have PTSD from that Christmas morning!  I loved hearing my kids squeals of delight as they went through their stockings waiting for us to wake up.  Here the kids are waiting to storm down the stairs and into the room.  We try to limit Santa gifts to one sort of big thing and a book and a few small little items.  Hazel got lots of little things this year since she could not for the life of her figure out what to ask for.  A used Kindle (instead of a book), a knock off apple watch (1/16th of the price), some glasses and some useful items to help her pull off the nerdy look she’s always going for. Em, on the other hand, knew exactly what to ask for.  Roller Skates.  This never would have crossed my mind, but it was EXACTLY what her little soul needed.  It’s February now and she still wears them pretty much non-stop.  And Charlie’s RC car obsession continues.  This is a kit hobby car that he is still working on nearly daily to put together.  I sort of love this hobby because there is a never ending list of items that he wants to buy to improve or fix his cars.  This makes him pretty dang motivated to do lots of money jobs and chores around the house.  And Peter asked for a piano book and a bat man suit case.  Go figure. A very practical boy.  He was thrilled that Santa even put a few little batman toys inside the suitcase.  I didn’t take too many photos, just tried to soak in the magic (and breath through the chaos) of it all.  But here is one of Peter, ecstatic about his suit case and Em sporting her new roller skate look(watch from Grammy and Grandfather). 

We spent most of the day unwrapping presents.  Julie’s brother and wife came over for brunch and we went for a walk in the cemetery before coming back for another round of gifts.

We felt so grateful for the abundance of gifts showered on all of us by so many who love us.  As conflicted as I feel about Christmas gifts, they’re a great tool to help our children know how to give and receive.  And a great reminder of God’s greatest gift to us. 

our Holiday season - 2015

I finally put the last Christmas box back in its place yesterday.  And it’s February.  Yep, that’s how I’m running lately.  But I’m telling myself that it’s ok to be behind.  I’m learning that the present is pressing and precious with these little kids. 

So, it’s late and I’m going to take a stab at documenting our holiday season in one go.  ready? go.The craziness always starts with sending out our Thanksgiving cards.  I was super on top of things this year, got them ordered way before I usually do, but of course there was a printing error and I had to have them reprinted, so it was a mad dash at the end.  Employing these little child workers of mine to lick and stamp.  I’m pretty sure there were a few bloody finger prints from paper cuts on the envelopes and lots of the return address stamps were upside down.  But they got out the door and only a few came back stamp-less.  And then there’s all the photo editing that I’m up to my gills in until Thanksgiving when I’ve always made a firm cut off.  No more editing or photoshoots after thanksgiving.  As much as I LOVE this work of mine, it always feels so good to get those last images all fixed up and sent off.  Thanksgiving was mellow this year.  We didn’t have any out of town guests.  Just us.  Which meant we were on our own to make the big meal, but the kids helped out and we pulled off a great feast.  My goodness that’s a lot of work for a few moments of eating pleasure.  In the end it’s always worth all the sweat and oven burns and mess. Before dinner we did take a little break to go and play a little family game of football.  We had a new family from church over for dinner.  They have kids Hazel and Charlie’s age, which is awesome.  We’ve been praying for more kids to join our congregation. (Of course I didn’t think to snap a picture until we had devoured all that beautiful food).  The day after Thanksgiving we headed off for NYC to see Noah and Kristi who were in town visiting Eli and Julie.  It was so great to be all together.  At least I thought so.  Jeff get’s a little motion sickness  being stuck on the “Eyre Train.”  There is something in our blood that makes us all want to pack it all into whatever little time we have.  Jeff is always astonished that we’re moving onto another activity instead of going home for a rest.  But that Eyre train kept on rolling.  We ate at Shake Shack, took a little spin through the natural history museum, played football in the park (it was such a beautiful day) and watched street performers and went to the playground and then went for a walk down fifth avenue to see the Christmas windows and lights and then had some incredible street food for dinner and took a spin in the MOA and then finally walked through mid-town to the subway to head home.  Needless to say Jeff opted out of the late night chat back at Eli and Julies.  Man I love these people.  The next day we got to celebrate Bennett’s birthday with him at Jacobs pickle for breakfast before we headed home.  Charlie especially liked connecting with the other Dean of the Eyre cousins.  We went home via Connecticut and the Maple Row Tree Farm where a work colleague of Jeff’s grew up.  He gave us the royal treatment despite our LOUD disputes over which tree to get.  Emmeline did not get the tree she wanted.  Apparently no one ever listens to her opinions, the tree was the worst tree ever, she was going to destroy it, and she hated us all.  This was all screamed at us as we cut down the finally chosen tree, making many onlookers merry.  Hazel had lots of great holiday concerts with the Boston Children’s Chorus.  I love watching her sing.  We got WAY too many Amazon boxes.  This is going to change next year.  The kids spent a GLORIOUS Sunday in their PJ’s playing survivor in the back yard.  For weeks they deemed it the best day of their lives.  They built their very own little fire, roasted peanuts in tinfoil and hosted some tea parties.  I love what these kids do with unstructured time. Liz and Heidi and I got to make our wreaths and bake our cookies.  I love my two Christmas events with these girls.  Hazel took LOADS of selfies.  She’s got that face down, as well as lots of new editing skilz.We took the big kids to Trinity Church Candlelight carols.  I think this is my very favorite holiday event.  The music is fantastic and the ambiance with candles in that amazing church is even better.  The congregation sings many carols together and that always gets me.  There is something about christmas carol lyrics that really brings the miracle of Christmas into my soul.  It’s especially great to sing “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” there in that church since Phillip Brooks (the writer of those lyrics) was the first Pastor at Trinity Church.  And after the concert we take the kids out to a ‘fancy’ dinner.  It’s pretty great to have some time with just those kids, in Boston all lit up in Christmas magesty. I went, for the last time, to the Rockland Montessori Academy holiday pageant.  This is not my favorite event ever, lots of parents with cameras, lots of chaos.  But I’ve been every year for 8 years now.  I felt nostalgic for a few seconds as I watched my little angel up there sing.  The Rockland has been SOOO good for our family.  I love how confident and happy my kids have been there.  Got this card in the mail.  I think it pretty much summed up how I felt mid season.  Lots of half done things.  Like this “Christmas Sunday” photo:I tried to get them all dolled up in something christmassy for church like I saw so many doing on Instagram, but in the end, nothing really matched, hair wasn’t totally brushed and I forgot to take the picture until after church when it was getting dark and everyone (especially blurry Charlie) was in a rush to get inside.  We hosted a bunch of Jeff’s work colleagues at hour house for a little holiday party.  It was so great to get to meet so many cool people that he works with.  Social Finance sure attracts fantastically kind and fun people.  They all loved meeting the kids and even sat through a little concert. #yikes! For our Joy School Christmas party we went to perform a little nativity play at a senior rehab center near us.  I took my kids out of school so that they could play a little rendition of silent night that Hazel composed for her to play on the piano with Charlie at the Cello and Em at the Violin.  My mom took us so many times to “old folks homes” to play when we were growing up and I loved it, so in her honor my kids played hooky and we all went.  We tried to do a few good deeds (24 days of giving….such a cool idea, though we weren’t as diligent as we were last year).  We went to the firehouse with doughnuts and paid for someone’s items at the dollar store.  My kids just eat this stuff up.  It was Hazel’s church teacher’s birthday a few days before Christmas and she had the idea that we should make her a cake.  She decorated it so beautifully, but the car ride wasn’t kind to it….I’m sure it still tasted good and it made our friend tear up with thankfulness for Hazel’s little golden heart.

And of course we did our Children for Children concert which I blogged about back here… And then our Nazareth super a few days before Christmas.  This little shin-dig is getting bigger as kids get bigger and it’s also getting a little more meaningful.  Everyone came dressed as someone from the Christmas story, ready to act as if they were dining with Mary and Joseph and family before heading off from Nazareth to Bethlehem.  We eat Falafel and sing Oh Come Immanuel and dine on the floor and introduce ourselves in character, telling how we might feel if we were in our characters shoes.  It’s a little chaotic, a little uncomfortable, I’m always a little worried about breaking the plates I brought back from study abroad in Jerusalem.  But the spirit always fills the room and I love the pause it gives us all to stop and think more deeply about the reality of Christ’s birth and what it is we’re celebrating.  We always sing Christmas carols after costumes are taken off and things are cleaned up.  I love this part too.

And then there’s the sleeping by the Christmas tree.  This happens earlier on in December, but I wanted to end with this picture because I love it.  On this particular day we had had a lot of fighting, lots of bickering and short fuses and not a lot of patience on my end.  But finally they all settled down under the light of the tree and the house was calm and I read the Christmas chapter of Little Women to them and we sang some songs and then I read the Longfellow poem, I heard the bells on Christmas Day.  And those words really hit home, for in despair I had hung my head that day, saying there is no peace on earth, hate was strong, mocking the song of peace on earth.  This serenity beneath the Christmas lights reminded me that God is not dead, nor doth he sleep.  The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, there will be peace on earth, good will to men (and siblings!). 

I’m trying to remember this message throughout this next year, the message of my Christmas season.  The whole will glisten.  There will be rough times where it looks like hate is too strong, my kids will fight, I will loose my temper, we will be tired and stressed at times.  There will be chaos.  But I’m sure that God is not dead.  If we keep looking up, keep working hard, keep at it day after day the wrong shall fail and the right prevail.  I’m trying this year to seize those moments of peace here in our home.  Make them stick.